Summary of "Oral Sex in Marriage (V-94-1)"

Summary

Father Al L (Daily Bread) addresses the controversial topic of oral sex as foreplay in marriage. Speaking pastorally from decades of priestly counseling and referencing an earlier article that produced strong reactions, he argues that oral sex as foreplay can contribute to marital deterioration. His teaching is grounded in natural-law reasoning, pastoral experience, and selected Scripture. He urges married couples to pursue purity, truthful self-giving, and root-cause healing rather than short-term sexual work-arounds.

Key wellness and marital-care strategies

Put sexual life under spiritual and moral reflection

Pray together and place your sexual relationship “under the lordship of Jesus.”
Form a well-informed conscience by seeking moral and pastoral guidance rather than assuming silence equals permission.

Address root causes instead of compensating for them

Investigate declines in sexual desire (resentment, unresolved past sexual bonds, physical changes, etc.) rather than using oral sex or pornography as a workaround.
Consider practical remedies for underlying problems: repentance, pastoral counsel, medical review, or relational therapy instead of adding compensatory sexual behaviors.

Prioritize truthful self-giving

Aim for sexual intimacy based on truth (biological, moral, relational) and an authentic gift of self — not solely psychological justifications or technical fixes.
Be cautious when one spouse engages in sexual acts primarily to placate the other; loving action must be grounded in truth, not merely intent.

Avoid harmful shortcuts and substitutions

Be wary of pornography, fantasizing about others during sex, or treating “anything goes if you’re married” as ethical cover — these can be damaging and dehumanizing.
Recognize that medical interventions (vasectomy, tubal ligation) can change sexual dynamics and may require honest reassessment of the relationship and sexual life.

Seek pastoral and therapeutic help when needed

If sexual practices or mismatches are causing harm, seek pastoral counsel, marriage therapy, and informed medical advice rather than isolating the problem.
If a practice causes personal discomfort or moral unease, do not ignore it; pursue clarity for conscience and healing for the marriage.

Protect dignity and mutual consent

Strive for mutual self-giving, fidelity, chastity within marriage, and respect for personal dignity — avoid practices that lead to resentment or corruption of the relationship.

Reflect on motives and likely outcomes

Examine whether sexual behaviors are motivated by love, lust, avoidance, or compensation — and consider long-term consequences (“you reap what you sow”).

Scriptural and moral touchpoints

Mark 6:18 — John the Baptist telling Herod “it is not right…”

“It is not right…” (Mark 6:18)
1 Corinthians 6 — teaching on the bonding effects of sexual relations
Tobit 8:7 — “I take this wife of mine not because of lust but for a noble purpose”

“I take this wife of mine not because of lust but for a noble purpose.” (Tobit 8:7)
Galatians 5:8 — “If one sows in the flesh, he will reap corruption…”

“If one sows in the flesh, he will reap corruption.” (Galatians 6:8 / Galatians 5:8 reference)

Presenters and sources

Father Al L (Daily Bread)
My People Christian newspaper (June 1995 article referenced)
Biblical references cited: Mark, 1 Corinthians, Tobit, Galatians
Catholic Church and moral theologians (discussed as context for conscience formation)