Summary of "5 Things You Shouldn’t Say to Someone on the Autism Spectrum by Brian Cham"

Summary — Key points and communication tips

The video (written by autistic specialist Brian Cham) lists five common, hurtful remarks people often say to autistic individuals and explains why they’re damaging. It emphasizes that autism is diverse, self-identification should be respected, and well-meaning comments can still be invalidating.

Five things not to say (and better approaches)

1. “You can’t possibly be autistic.”

“You can’t possibly be autistic.”

Why it hurts:
- Denies someone’s identity.
- Assumes functioning level or achievements disqualify a diagnosis.
- Reinforces prejudiced ideas about what autistic people “should” be like.
Better approach:
- Believe and respect someone’s diagnosis or self-identification.
- Ask how you can be supportive instead of judging.

2. “You must be really good at math.”

“You must be really good at math.”

Why it hurts:
- Perpetuates stereotypes (e.g., the “savant” image).
- Excludes autistic people who don’t fit media portrayals.
Better approach:
- Treat strengths and interests as individual.
- Ask about their real interests or skills rather than assuming.

3. “You don’t look autistic / You seem so normal.”

“You don’t look autistic / You seem so normal.”

Why it hurts:
- Implies autistic = abnormal and that “normal” is the ideal.
- Invalidates differences and self-definition.
Better approach:
- Avoid commenting on appearance.
- Accept diversity and let people define themselves.

4. “What’s it like to be autistic?”

“What’s it like to be autistic?”

Why it hurts:
- Overly broad and othering.
- Impossible to answer for everyone because autistic experiences vary widely.
Better approach:
- Ask specific, permission-based questions if appropriate (for example, “Are there sensory things I should be aware of?”).
- Simply listen when they choose to share.

5. “Everyone’s on the autism spectrum.”

“Everyone’s on the autism spectrum.”

Why it hurts:
- Minimizes and invalidates the unique challenges autistic people face.
- Dismisses the significance of a diagnosis.
Better approach:
- Don’t conflate or downplay autism.
- Acknowledge differences and ask how you can help or accommodate.

Practical communication and self-care tips

Believe and respect self-identification; don’t police someone’s diagnosis.
Avoid stereotypes about abilities, appearance, or interests — treat each person individually.
Ask specific, permission-based questions rather than broad or intrusive ones.
Offer support and reasonable accommodations; let the person indicate what they need.
Avoid minimizing or universalizing comments that erase lived experience.