Am I a monster for this?

Context

• A man ended a three-year relationship; his ex said she wanted to be single to focus on herself.
• After the split he focused on self-improvement and “holding frame,” but continued to meet and text her several times.
• The ex disclosed severe depression and multiple suicide attempts, creating a moral dilemma: he doesn’t want to resume the relationship but fears that withdrawing could leave her dangerously isolated.

Lifestyle and mindset takeaways

• Focus on self-improvement after a breakup: set new rules, priorities, and boundaries for your life.
• “Hold frame”: decide what you want and stick to it rather than reverting to old behaviors that undermine your progress.
• Distinguish compassion from responsibility for another adult’s life choices and mental health.

Practical advice and steps

• If you are truly done with someone, implement no-contact:
  • Don’t meet in person.
  • Don’t pick up calls or reply to messages.
• Avoid “closure” meetings if they will pull you back into the relationship; closure can be used as a manipulation tool.
• Be aware that threats or claims of self-harm may be manipulation, but they must still be taken seriously.
• If an ex claims immediate suicidal intent or imminent danger, take it seriously and contact emergency services (ambulance/police) or local crisis lines — you are not solely responsible, but you should act if someone is in immediate danger.

• Offer measured boundaries if you choose to remain available in a limited way. For example:

  “I won’t be in a relationship with you, but if you need someone to talk to I will listen.”

  • Be aware this can entrench dependence and may be better replaced by encouraging broader support networks.
  • Encourage the person to seek help from family, friends, or professionals (therapy, support groups, crisis hotlines) rather than relying on an ex.
  • Don’t sacrifice your long-term wellbeing by staying in a relationship out of guilt; long-term enabling often prevents the other person from getting proper help.

Warnings and mindset cautions

• Continuing to meet or be emotionally available after you’ve closed your heart can harm both your progress and the other person’s growth.
• Repeated rescue behavior can perpetuate dependency and delay the person’s path to appropriate support.
• Learn to distinguish manipulation from genuine crisis: maintain boundaries, encourage professional help, and call authorities if there’s an imminent risk.

Notable names and mentions

• Speaker/mentor referenced: Hamza (influenced the poster’s “red-pilled” self-improvement approach).
• The video mentions joining an online community/social media group for men’s self-improvement (no specific product or location given).