Avoidants carry the weight of every loss with them for the rest of their lives, leading to a cycle of loneliness and self-sabotage.

The Phantom X phenomenon involves Avoidants fixating on past partners' best qualities, creating an idealized version of them.

Avoidants struggle with a paradox of wanting to be close to someone but not letting anyone truly close.

childhood experiences of neglect and lack of emotional support contribute to avoidant attachment styles.

relationships can help heal the damage done by early emotional neglect by providing emotional safety and security.

It is essential for partners of Avoidants to maintain their own identity and emotional health, setting boundaries to avoid being consumed by the avoidant's issues.

The key is to show Avoidants a stable and healthy relationship dynamic without pressuring them to change overnight.


  • Amir Levine
  • Rachel Heller
  • Sarah Sammon
  • Nathan Fox
  • Charles Nelson
  • Erica Kazar

Notable Quotes

01:15 — « one of the consequences of devaluing your romantic relationships is that you often wake up long after the relationship has gone stale having forgotten all those negative things that annoyed you about your partner wondering what went wrong and reminiscing longingly about your long lost love. »
03:15 — « a relationship broke it and only a relationship can fix it. »
12:05 — « looking at avoidance from a yin yang perspective, the dark side is an avoidants insatiable need for independence, while the light side is the yearning for love and reliance on others. »
14:42 — « stuck in this continuous cycle of unfulfilled relationships and lingering regret, trapped in an eternal struggle between their need for independence and their desire for connection. »
16:28 — « the path to healing involves entering relationships that provide the emotional safety they missed out on as children, helping rewrite the avoidance internal narrative. »


Wellness and Self-Improvement

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