Summary of "How to Deal With Anxiety - The Step-by-Step Guide"

Summary of How to Deal With Anxiety - The Step-by-Step Guide

Licensed therapist Emma McAdam presents a comprehensive, step-by-step method to process and resolve anxiety rather than just cope with it. Using three examples—Bob (social anxiety), Jane (general anxiety), and Fred (event/performance anxiety)—she illustrates practical skills grounded in an emotion processing model.

Key Wellness Strategies, Self-Care Techniques, and Productivity Tips

1. Observe Your Anxiety

Notice and identify what you are feeling physically and emotionally.
- Ask yourself: “What am I feeling right now? What thoughts are running through my mind? What sensations do I notice in my body?”
- Examples of body sensations: cold hands, tight stomach, tense shoulders.
Practice non-judgmental awareness by avoiding labeling feelings as “bad” or “terrible.”
Use cognitive defusion: separate yourself from your thoughts by noticing, “I am having the thought that…”
Be specific with emotions: say “I feel scared” rather than “I feel like everyone will judge me” (thought vs. feeling).
Naming and observing emotions can make them less overwhelming over time.

2. Willingness to Feel Anxiety

Choose to be willing to experience anxiety rather than avoid or distract from it.
Practice grounding yourself in the present through slow breathing and feeling your feet on the floor.
If calmness is elusive, try exaggerating physical sensations (e.g., shake if jittery, tense muscles if tense).
Use creative outlets like listening to music that matches your mood or doing a brain dump (writing down all anxious thoughts).
Engage in nervous-system calming techniques such as:
- Slow breathing
- Yawning
- Shaking it out
- Progressive muscle relaxation
Willingness helps break the cycle of avoidance and reduces anxiety over time.

3. Explore Your Anxiety

Treat anxiety like a smoke alarm: a signal, not the actual danger.
Ask yourself:
- “Am I actually in danger right now?”
- “Is this anxiety helping me be safer?”
Make your anxiety concrete by writing it down, talking about it, or diagramming it.
Explore and challenge anxious thoughts:
- Are you catastrophizing?
- Are you thinking in black-and-white terms?
- Are you filtering only negatives?
Identify and question your internal “unwritten rules” that may fuel anxiety (e.g., “I must be perfect or else withdraw”).
For general anxiety, identify life stressors and sources of overwhelm (too many commitments, poor self-care, etc.) and write them down.
Clarify what you can realistically change.

4. Clarify and Choose What to Do

Use the locus of control exercise: separate what you can control from what you cannot.
- Example: Fred can’t control anxiety or others’ reactions but can control preparation and attitude.
Use a values activity to clarify what matters most to you.
- Ask yourself: “What do I really care about?” or “What kind of life do I want?”
- This helps prioritize actions and decide what to let go of.
Align your actions with your values to increase motivation and reduce anxiety.

5. Act or Accept

Take small, value-aligned actions to address anxiety triggers.
- Examples: organizing a space, setting boundaries, studying for a presentation.
When change isn’t possible, practice acceptance.
- Make space for emotions without struggling against them.
- Use calming body-based exercises to soothe anxiety.
Combining action and acceptance helps reduce anxiety and promotes living a meaningful life despite discomfort.
Facing fears repeatedly helps your brain learn safety, gradually reducing anxiety.

Examples Recap

Bob (Social Anxiety): Observes nervousness, chooses willingness to attend social events despite anxiety, explores fearful thoughts, clarifies values (friendship), and acts by showing up.
Jane (General Anxiety): Observes physical symptoms, practices willingness by pausing distractions, explores life stressors, clarifies priorities, and acts by cleaning her room and managing finances.
Fred (Performance Anxiety): Observes worries, practices willingness by slowing down and embracing anxiety as motivation, explores thoughts, clarifies control and values, and acts by preparing and accepting anxiety.

Additional Resources

Emma offers a free downloadable list of the five emotion processing steps.
She has an in-depth course How to Process Your Emotions with exercises and a workbook.

Presenter: Emma McAdam, Licensed Therapist