Summary of "When To Have Sex With Someone New (And What To Do If You Rushed Into It)"
Key Wellness Strategies, Self-Care Techniques, and Productivity Tips on When to Have Sex with Someone New and How to Manage If You Rushed Into It
Timing and Emotional Connection
- Wait to have sex until you:
- Know you like the person.
- Feel mutual attraction and interest.
- Understand that your intentions align (especially for long-term relationships).
- Emotional connection usually takes multiple dates (5-7 or about a month) to form.
- Avoid rushing physical intimacy before emotional intimacy to prevent disconnect and relationship fizzles.
- Comfort in talking about sex is a good indicator of readiness; if you aren’t comfortable discussing sex, it might be too soon.
Self-Awareness About Emotional Attachment
- Consider how emotionally attached you become after sex.
- If you tend to get attached quickly, it’s wise to wait until you know the person better.
- Reflect on how you would feel if the relationship ended shortly after intimacy.
Checklist Before Having Sex
- Know your own intentions.
- Understand their intentions.
- Trust the person emotionally and physically.
- Can you comfortably discuss boundaries and protection?
- Are you prepared for any possible outcome?
If You Rushed Into Sex Too Soon
- You can slow things down by:
- Avoiding situations that lead to sex (e.g., dates at home).
- Politely declining invitations to be alone together.
- Having an honest conversation about wanting to take things slower.
- Be disciplined and consistent in enforcing new boundaries.
- Understand that if things don’t work out after rushing, it might not have worked anyway.
Talking About Sex
- Around the 5th or 6th date is a reasonable time to start conversations about physical intimacy.
- Use texting or in-person chats to discuss preferences lightly and openly.
- Be honest about your experience level and preferences.
- Know when to pause or change the subject to keep pace slow if desired.
Expressing Boundaries
- Boundaries can be communicated reactively (in the moment) or proactively (in conversation).
- It’s okay to say you want to wait until the relationship is defined before having sex.
- If your boundary is met with resistance, consider it a red flag.
- Open communication about boundaries is key to respect and mutual understanding.
Sexual Compatibility
- It’s normal for sexual compatibility to take time to develop.
- Most couples improve their sex life through communication and effort.
- Deal breakers include:
- Inability or unwillingness to communicate about sex.
- Conflicting sexual needs or kinks that cannot be reconciled.
- Resistance to working on sexual issues.
- Be open to different sexual dynamics with different partners.
Sexing (Sexual Texting)
- Best done after meeting or having some physical intimacy.
- Can build anticipation but may cause pressure if done too early.
- Sexual desire does not equal emotional desire; be cautious not to confuse the two.
- Use sexing as a playful, exploratory tool but keep timing in mind.
STI Testing
- Requesting STI test results before sex is reasonable and responsible.
- Bring up the topic early, before intimacy escalates.
- Be prepared to share your own test results.
- If the partner resists, consider it a red flag.
Patterns of Early Sex Without Interest
- Some people have sex early when they’re not interested because they don’t care if the connection lasts.
- This can be confusing or hurtful to partners.
- Better to communicate intentions clearly, e.g., proposing friends with benefits arrangements.
Dating Multiple People
- Sleeping with multiple people before commitment is okay if it aligns with your values.
- Honesty and transparency about exclusivity and intentions are essential.
Inexperience in Sex
- Lack of experience is not a disadvantage if you lead with enthusiasm, curiosity, and presence.
- Encourage partners to guide and communicate preferences.
- Confidence grows with communication and exploration.
- Everyone has learning curves and moments of uncertainty.
Reflective Questions to Align with Yourself
- What does feeling safe, ready, and excited about sex look like for me?
- How do I want to feel after intimacy with someone new?
- What boundaries do I need to set to feel good about my decisions?
- Focus on what feels authentic and aligned to you rather than societal expectations.
Red Flags in Communication
- Over-explaining dating intentions or contradictory statements can indicate inconsistency.
- Trust your gut if communication feels confusing or overwhelming.
- Simple, clear communication is a sign of emotional intelligence and compatibility.
On “Right Person, Wrong Time”
The presenter does not believe in “right person, wrong time.” The right person will show up at the right time for both partners. If timing is off, it’s likely not the right person. Emotional availability and readiness are crucial.
Presenters / Sources
- Talia (Host of the “Dating Intentionally” podcast and YouTube channel)
Category
Wellness and Self-Improvement
