Summary of "you lack assertiveness because no one's taught you this..."

Core idea

Assertiveness is a learned skill and a virtue: it’s essentially claiming or affirming your self‑respect. Practicing assertiveness restores your relationship with yourself and improves relationships with others.

Six mindset shifts

Etymology reframing
- Understand “assertive” via its Latin roots (ad/at + serere → asser → assert): reclaiming your self‑respect.
Expect demands; protect yourself
- You can’t stop people from making requests, but you can build skills to protect your time, energy, and boundaries. Assertiveness is fundamentally about safety, not aggression.
Model = assertive, not arrogant
- Healthy assertiveness sits between submissiveness and aggression; it’s a habit you can develop.
Assertiveness is loving
- Speaking up is an act of care for the relationship. It prevents deception and the erosion of self‑respect; short‑term discomfort can avoid long‑term relationship damage.
Mortality perspective
- Imagine your deathbed regrets to motivate choosing short‑term discomfort over long‑term regret for not speaking up.
Be compassionate and patient
- Learning assertiveness is like learning a new language — it takes practice and self‑kindness.
  
  “You are under no obligation to be who you were 5 minutes ago.” — Alan Watts

Practical, low‑stakes tool (practice now / this week)

Say “no” once: decline one invitation or request without giving a reason or long explanation.
Or disagree once: tell one person that you disagree with something they said.
Notice the internal sentence that fires up (e.g., “If I say no then X will happen”) — this reveals the limiting belief driving hesitation.
Do it anyway to give your brain new evidence that saying no is safe; repeated small wins reprogram automatic beliefs and build the habit.

Additional practical tips / reframes

Aim for incremental progress (even “5% more assertive” is valuable).
Reframe conflict: prefer addressing immediate friction over delayed conflict that erodes relationships and self‑respect.
Treat assertiveness like a volume knob you can turn up gradually.
Be kind to yourself while practicing; expect it to take time.