Summary of "How to Deal with Negative Emotions - Distress Tolerance"

Main idea

Distress tolerance (a DBT skill) teaches you to accept and sit with painful emotions without using short‑term coping that worsens your situation. It focuses on observing emotions with acceptance and without judgment so they can pass naturally.

Observe the emotion with acceptance — let it rise and fall rather than fighting it.

Why this matters

Negative emotions (chiefly sadness, anger, fear) are normal and adaptive.
Temperament (how you were born) and upbringing (how you were raised) shape how well you tolerate emotions.
If you can’t accept an emotion, you’re more likely to use unconscious, maladaptive coping that gives short‑term relief but creates long‑term problems.

Maladaptive coping examples (to avoid)

Avoidance: avoiding situations, seeking reassurance, distracting yourself
Numbing: alcohol, drugs, binge eating, oversleeping
Self‑harm: cutting, punching, pulling out hair
Emotional suppression, which can convert anger into anxiety or depression

Distress tolerance / mindfulness procedure (practical steps)

Recognize and allow the emotion
- Name the feeling out loud (e.g., “I’m feeling angry at Bob.”)
- Permit yourself to feel it without moral judgment or rushing to remove it
- Own the intensity rather than downplaying it
Watch the emotion
- Observe what the emotion feels like (name it: anger, rage)
- Notice where you feel it in your body (e.g., tight shoulders)
- Remind yourself you are not the emotion — you are observing it
- Use the “wave” metaphor: let the emotion rise and fall instead of fighting it
Be present (grounding)
- Use your five senses: notice what you can see, hear, touch, smell, taste
- Or use the breath as an anchor: follow inhales and exhales
If the emotion returns
- Acknowledge that emotions come and go
- Re‑apply the watching and grounding steps — let it sit and pass again

Practical tips

Process emotions early (before turning to maladaptive coping)
Write a short script for yourself to use in the moment (Dr. Marks provides a template)
Remind yourself you won’t act on the emotion; you can tolerate it safely

Who this helps / context

Distress tolerance is a DBT skill originally developed for borderline personality disorder but is also useful (in modified DBT formats) for bipolar disorder, anxiety, eating disorders, depression, PTSD, and general emotional regulation.