Summary of "10 Things You Should Never Say To Your Child"

Core idea

Small changes in how parents talk to children — replacing common automatic phrases with specific, empathetic, and empowering language — improve kids’ emotional wellbeing, sense of autonomy, learning mindset, and practical skills.

Key strategies and alternatives

Each entry shows the phrase to avoid, why to avoid it, and suggested alternatives you can use instead.

“Great job!”

Why avoid: vague praise can make children dependent on adult approval.
Instead: be specific and invite reflection.
- Example: “I noticed you got an A in English. How do you feel about that?”

“Practice makes perfect.”

Why avoid: promotes an unrealistic drive for perfection.
Instead: emphasize effort and improvement.
- Example: “The more you practice, the better you’ll get.” (or “Practice makes progress.”)

“You’re okay.”

Why avoid: can communicate parent anxiety and invalidate the child’s feelings.
Instead: show empathy and label the feeling; offer physical comfort.
- Example: “You skinned your knee — that hurts, doesn’t it?”

“Hurry up.”

Why avoid: creates pressure and stress.
Instead: join or reframe the task positively and supportively.
- Examples: “Let’s get ready together,” or a supportive “Let’s hurry.”

“I’m on a diet” (or frequent self-criticism about your body)

Why avoid: children absorb parental body-image anxiety.
Instead: model positive, health-focused language.
- Example: “Let’s eat healthy so we have energy and feel good.”

“We can’t afford that.”

Why avoid: shuts down thinking and can create a scarcity mindset.
Instead: teach financial thinking and goal-setting.
- Examples: “We’re saving for X,” or “How could we afford that?” to encourage problem-solving.

“Don’t talk to strangers.”

Why avoid: impractical and can leave children unsure in real situations.
Instead: teach discernment and specific safety strategies.
- Example: identify safe people (parents with children, store employees, police, uniformed staff) and role-play scenarios.

“Be careful.”

Why avoid: expresses parental anxiety and may distract the child.
Instead: actively supervise and give concrete guidance; debrief afterward about judgement and safety choices.
- Example: physically support or point out a hazard, then talk about the decision afterward.

“No dessert unless you finish your dinner.”

Why avoid: framed negatively and can feel punitive.
Instead: use positive framing.
- Examples: “You can have dessert after dinner,” or “We have dessert once dinner is finished.”

“Let me help.”

Why avoid (when offered too soon): robs children of chances to develop skills and independence.
Instead: pause, let them try and struggle, and offer help only when necessary.
- Allow autonomy and practice so they build competence.

Broader principles

Use specific praise and invite self-reflection rather than blanket approval.
Promote a growth mindset (effort and improvement) rather than perfection.
Validate feelings with empathy and physical comfort instead of dismissive reassurances.
Reframe directives into collaborative, positive language.
Model healthy attitudes (food, body image, money) and teach practical skills.
Allow children to fail and learn — support development of competence and problem-solving.
Small “course corrections” in everyday language can produce meaningful long-term outcomes.

Presenters / sources

Michelle Crouch — article in Parents (Parents Magazine)
Video presenter: unnamed psychologist (host of the channel) who reviews and expands on the article’s points