10 Ways to Prepare Yourself for Marriage with Ken and Tabatha Claytor

Key Wellness / Self-Care / Preparation Strategies (for Singles Preparing for Marriage)

Base your fulfillment on God, not marriage

• Don’t treat marriage as the thing that makes you “whole.”
• Accept Jesus and live filled by the Holy Spirit so you’re complete before you’re partnered.

Stop the “comparison spiral”

• Don’t compare your single status to others’ highlight reels.
• Remember: you don’t know what’s happening behind closed doors.
• Practice contentment where you are now.

Reject harmful beliefs and labels (spiritual self-protection)

• Don’t believe “father of lies” narratives about your worth (e.g., “you’re not attractive,” “too old,” “flawed,” etc.).
• Counter cruel words with Scripture and identity in God.
• Don’t stay in conversations with people who speak abusively—send those words back to where they came from.

Avoid desperation—cultivate inner security

• Don’t pursue in a needy way (e.g., constant texting, stalking on social media, interrogating friends).
• Don’t rush intimacy/depth on the first stage—take it slow and “test the waters.”
• Build confidence through:
  • Spending time in God’s presence
  • Word-based self-building (study Scripture)
  • Real, genuine living (maintain your own life, schedule, interests)

Don’t be overly demanding—don’t be blindly picky

• Especially avoid using shallow criteria that block good matches from even getting a first/second date.
• Use wisdom to balance attraction with values.
• Ask God to shape your desires (present your list to Him as something that may need adjustment).

Don’t settle for less (and “wisdom” is the decision-tool)

Evaluate whether the person:

• Adds value to you and you to them
• Understands you
• Shares spiritual direction and passions
• Helps you grow (same direction spiritually matters)

Also emphasize:

• Romantic/physical attraction—marriage isn’t only practical.

Get finances in order early (reduce future stress)

Prepare before the relationship/marriage arrives:

• Address debt and credit issues proactively
• Build long-term wealth
  • Example given: real estate
  • Otherwise: stocks/mutual funds/business
• If single, prioritize career and financial foundation since you won’t have the added burden of supporting a spouse yet.

Heal your past before marriage (so it doesn’t “amplify” in your future)

• Deal with wounds/traumas (including childhood trauma) through a biblical/godly process.
• Marriage is described as an “amplifier”—unresolved issues can show up in:
  • Sex life
  • Perceptions of the opposite sex
  • Anxiety/depression and conflict patterns

Grow in God during the single season (spiritual “training”)

• Dedicate yourself intensely: prayer, missions, groups, church involvement.
• Build fruit of the Spirit (kindness, peace, gentleness, patience) and spiritual gifts.
• Treat singleness as a phase of freedom from anxieties and a foundation for relationship building.

Get in shape—physically and personally (“be your best version”)

• Maintain grooming and health; appearance is treated as part of being ready to connect.
• Encourage gym/exercise, healthy habits, and presenting yourself well.
• Avoid media-driven pressure toward impossible body ideals—aim for the best healthy version of yourself.
• Practical cues mentioned:
  • hair/nails/teeth/overall cleanliness
  • don’t be “disgusting,” keep clothes tidy

Study what marriage actually is (transition knowledge, not just “single-life books”)

• Don’t wait until marriage to learn principles of successful relationships.
• Learn basics early (e.g., communication, family gatherings, and “divorce isn’t an option” framing).
• Use teaching that supports self-discipline and healthy intimacy understanding (referenced practical anatomy/sexual education as normal/balanced, not shame-based).

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Presenters / Sources Mentioned

Presenters

• Ken and Tabatha Claytor (podcast hosts)

Scripture

• Proverbs 24:27
• 1 Corinthians 7:32

Christian references mentioned

• “Paul” (single life example)
• “Jesus” (single life example)
• “Solomon” / Song of Solomon (intimacy/imagery reference)