Dr Laurie Santos. Feelings That Make Us Happy: Accepting Negative Emotions. Science Well-Being Teens

Summary

Dr. Laurie Santos explains that trying to suppress negative emotions often backfires. Anger, sadness, anxiety, and overwhelm feel unpleasant, so people may try to push them away. But psychological research suggests that suppression can make unwanted thoughts and feelings return more strongly—a pattern known as ironic processes.

She illustrates this with the “white bear” experiment associated with psychologist Dan Wegner. People instructed not to think about a white bear often found the thought resurfacing. In the experiment, participants first either tried to think about white bears or suppress thoughts of them, then switched tasks. Those who suppressed first later had more white-bear thoughts when told they could think freely.

Santos compares suppressed emotions to a beach ball pushed underwater: holding it down takes energy, and it eventually pops back up.

Instead of suppressing difficult feelings, Santos recommends nonjudgmentally accepting them—not approving of them or trying to make them disappear, but allowing them to be present. She cites a review of 15 randomized controlled trials in which emotional acceptance was associated with reduced depression and anxiety.

The RAIN Method

Santos presents RAIN, a meditation practice taught by Tara Brach, as a structured way to stay with difficult emotions:

• R — Recognize: Identify what you are feeling, using specific words. Go beyond a broad label such as “sad” or “angry” if a more precise description fits.
• A — Allow: Let the feeling be present for now, without trying to force it away. You do not have to like the emotion; the task is simply to make room for it.
• I — Investigate: Observe the experience with curiosity, as a scientist might. Notice bodily sensations, thoughts, and urges—for example, tension in the chest, a clenched jaw, or the impulse to distract yourself. Notice these urges without automatically acting on them.
• N — Nurture: Respond with self-compassion. Consider what would help you care for yourself in the moment, such as calling a friend, taking a break, reducing a commitment, or doing something comforting.

Santos says that investigating an emotion can help a person ride out its intensity. Emotions may rise and then subside; she notes that many painful feelings run their course in roughly 10–15 minutes when allowed rather than suppressed. She also mentions research suggesting that RAIN can help people in high-stress roles, including palliative-care workers and first responders.

Speakers and Sources Featured

• Dr. Laurie Santos — Presenter and speaker.
• Carl Jung — Quoted for the idea that what people resist may persist and grow; Santos notes that the attribution may be apocryphal.
• Dan Wegner — Psychologist whose research on ironic processes and thought suppression is discussed.
• Fyodor Dostoevsky — Cited as the source of the white-bear thought experiment.
• Tara Brach — Meditation teacher associated with the RAIN practice.
• John Kabat-Zinn — Referenced in connection with a definition of mindfulness.
• The Beatles — Referenced through the phrase “Let It Be.”