279. CARA MENGHILANGKAN KARAT HATIMU | Kajian Wanita | Ustadz Muhammad Nuzul Dzikri

Summary

1. The heart can become “rusty”

The lecture, based on Ibn al-Qayyim’s discussion in Al-Wabil al-Sayyib, compares the heart to metal that can become coated with rust. A sound heart helps guide a person’s speech, actions, and judgment. When the heart is spiritually clouded, the effects can reach others too, including a spouse, children, and other members of the household.

The lecturer says that a rusted heart can make it harder to see things clearly and may contribute to harmful reactions and strained relationships.

2. Two causes of rust and their remedies

The lecture identifies two causes of rust:

• Heedlessness (ghaflah): Forgetting Allah and living without mindful remembrance.
• Sin: The lecturer cites a hadith describing sins as leaving dark marks on the heart, which can accumulate.

The corresponding remedies are:

• For heedlessness: Strengthen dhikr, or remembrance of Allah.
• For sin: Seek forgiveness (istighfar) and repent.

The more heedlessness dominates someone’s time, the more the heart’s “rust” is said to accumulate. The lecturer therefore encourages regular remembrance, including morning and evening dhikr, praising Allah, reciting the Qur’an, and making frequent istighfar. He notes that the Prophet is reported to have sought forgiveness many times each day.

3. Forgiveness and whether to remain in a marriage are separate questions

In response to a question about a spouse’s repeated betrayal and drug use, the lecturer emphasizes that forgiving someone does not automatically mean continuing the marriage. He gives the example of the wife of Thabit ibn Qais, who sought separation despite no allegation that her husband had committed a specific wrongdoing against her.

The lecturer advises against making a major decision based only on emotion or on a simple idea of “forgive and stay.” Instead, he recommends considering:

• Whether the marriage supports or harms one’s religious life.
• The effects on one’s mental wellbeing and the children’s wellbeing.
• The actual severity and consequences of the spouse’s conduct.
• Whether the situation can realistically improve.

He recommends praying istikharah and consulting knowledgeable, experienced people who understand the individuals involved. He cautions that people may persist in an unsuitable situation because they have already invested a great deal in it, rather than assessing it objectively.

4. Infidelity, adultery, and avoiding approaches to sin

A second audience question asks about a husband’s repeated cheating and whether it counts as adultery. The lecturer distinguishes between:

• Adultery in the specific legal sense discussed in the lecture, involving sexual intercourse.
• Other prohibited conduct—such as lustful looking, touching, kissing, or pursuing private meetings—which he describes as forms of “minor” or figurative adultery, based on a hadith.

He also cites the Qur’anic instruction not merely to avoid adultery but not to approach it. He uses this to warn against situations that can lead toward it, such as seclusion and dating.

5. Advice for addressing relationship problems

The lecturer advises against using a lesson or religious ruling as ammunition in an argument. Advice to a spouse should be delivered with wisdom and respect. A husband who has acted wrongly should repent rather than blame his wife or make excuses that deepen her hurt.

For the wife in the example, he encourages turning to Allah in prayer, not letting hurtful words define her, and considering what she can improve in her own part of the relationship. He cautions against assuming there is one universal standard for a spouse’s appearance or preferences.

6. Closing charity message

A closing promotional message says that charity does not diminish wealth, even if the amount appears smaller, and highlights blessings and protection as benefits. It encourages giving to needy relatives and mentions programs run by the Muhajir Peduli Indonesia Foundation.

Speakers and sources featured

• Ustadz Muhammad Nuzul Dzikri — lecturer and principal speaker.
• Two women in the audience — ask questions about marriage, forgiveness, infidelity, and adultery; their names are not given.
• Unidentified promotional voice — delivers the closing charity message.
• Ibn al-Qayyim — source discussed from Al-Wabil al-Sayyib.
• Prophet Muhammad — cited through hadith about the heart’s dark marks from sin, forms of adultery, and seeking forgiveness.
• The Qur’an — cited, including Al-Mutaffifin 83:14 and the instruction not to approach adultery.
• The wife of Thabit ibn Qais — cited as an example in the discussion of seeking separation.
• Sahih Muslim — named in the closing message as the source for the statement that charity does not decrease wealth.