why crushes are a waste of time

Main Message

Bailey Schildbach argues that letting a crush linger can waste time and emotional energy. Rather than building an idealized version of someone in your head, find out whether the interest is mutual.

Key Advice

• Be direct early. Start a conversation, share that you’re interested, or give the person your number. A clear yes or no can help you begin a connection or move on.
• Treat rejection as information, not a judgment of your worth. Someone saying no means they don’t feel the same way—not that you’re unattractive, undateable, or a bad person.
• Don’t put a crush on a pedestal. Until you know someone, you may be attached to an imagined version of them rather than who they really are.
• Accept that rejection and heartbreak are part of dating. Schildbach shares her teacher’s advice to thank someone for being clear rather than stringing you along.
• Learn from your experiences. Whether a connection leads to love or disappointment, notice what you learned about how you want to be treated.
• Meet people through shared interests. Try places, clubs, or classes you enjoy to meet people naturally, rather than relying on dating apps.
• Build the courage to communicate. Honest conversations are useful practice for the communication and compromise that relationships require.

Presenter

Bailey Schildbach