The Struggle Podcast: Child Safety, Agunah Crisis, Self Esteen, How to Parent

Summary

Rabbi YY Jacobson and interviewer Joe Farkas discuss child safety, self-esteem, parenting, religious practice, marital vulnerability, and the agunah crisis.

Child Safety and Community Responsibility

• Put victims’ safety and well-being first. Compassion for a perpetrator’s family should not mean minimizing harm or leaving others at risk.
• Communities should not protect abusers, silence victims, or give perpetrators positions of honor. Jacobson stresses that safeguarding children and other vulnerable people is a shared responsibility.
• Pair accountability with prevention: educate parents and children, have age-appropriate conversations about safety and self-respect, and make these discussions a normal part of family and school life.
• Listen to children and build relationships in which they can speak openly. Trauma may make it difficult for someone to disclose or even remember what happened; lack of disclosure does not prove that abuse did not occur.
• Parents and educators should make thoughtful decisions about settings such as sleepovers, babysitting, and mikvah visits, and remain attentive to who is supervising children and what is happening around them.

Self-Esteem and Emotional Growth

• Jacobson describes lasting self-esteem as an inner, lived sense of worth—not just positive affirmations or motivational advice. He connects it to recognizing one’s inherent value and purpose.
• Treat awareness and education as a starting map, not a substitute for personal experience and deeper work.
• Practice curiosity about your own reactions: notice anxiety, shame, or discomfort, and ask what is happening inside rather than suppressing it.
• Build trusted relationships where you can be honest and vulnerable. The conversation presents openness and support as important to growth.

Parenting and Family Connection

• Don’t take a child’s struggles personally or demand that they open up on your schedule. Stay present and supportive without making them responsible for a parent’s emotions or self-esteem.
• Meet each child where they are, rather than measuring them against parental expectations. Jacobson frames children as individuals entrusted to their parents’ care, not as proof of parental success.
• Create a home grounded in connection, warmth, and emotional steadiness. Shared activities—such as putting on music and dancing—can help children feel that their parents remain okay and available.
• Structure and discipline matter, but the speakers emphasize that they work best when built on a foundation of connection rather than anxiety or pressure.
• In separation or divorce, don’t use children to punish or take revenge on a former partner. Protect children from being caught in the conflict while maintaining appropriate boundaries and prioritizing safety.

Mikvah and Sharing Trauma with a Spouse

• The mikvah is described as a meaningful spiritual practice for adults, but its importance does not outweigh child safety. Parents should consider a child’s age, supervision, and the setting; Jacobson cautions against leaving children vulnerable.
• Whether to share past abuse or trauma with a spouse is an individual decision. Consider whether it is still affecting the person or the relationship, and seek experienced guidance about whether, when, and how to discuss it.

Agunah Crisis and Community Action

• Jacobson condemns using a get to control or punish a spouse and says people trapped in these situations need broad support—including rabbis, lawyers, friends, and others.
• Communities should not publicly honor or normalize abusive conduct. Jacobson describes taking a stand in his own synagogue against a man who refused to give a get, while emphasizing that such cases require care and adherence to the law.
• In divorce, spouses may need to resolve custody and financial matters separately from the decision to end the marriage. Children should not be used as leverage.

Personal Practice and Authenticity

• Jacobson describes preparation, prayer, learning, introspection, and ongoing personal and emotional work as part of his approach to teaching.
• He discusses hisbodedut as a practice involving reflection, openness, and applying insight to one’s inner and bodily experience.
• He presents authenticity and continued self-examination—not performance or the pursuit of fame—as central to serving others.

Presenters and Sources

• Guest: Rabbi YY Jacobson
• Interviewer: Joe Farkas, identified in the video metadata
• Class source: TheYeshiva.net