i want to be in love.

Reflections on Relationships and Being Single

Maya wants to experience a loving, emotionally genuine relationship while learning to be content on her own. At 21 and nearly 22, she has had crushes but has never been in a relationship. Sometimes, missing out on teenage dating makes her feel as though something is wrong with her. At the same time, she is grateful she had time to grow and work through challenges with her mental health.

She isn’t actively looking for a partner and doesn’t want to settle. She hopes for a relationship grounded in affection and understanding, rather than hookup culture. She has also become more comfortable with who she is. Romance books and anime let her enjoy imagining experiences she hopes to have someday, instead of viewing her lack of relationship experience only as something to feel sad about.

Romantic Experiences She Hopes to Have

Some of the gestures and experiences Maya would like to share with a partner include:

• Gentle touch, such as back scratches, hand caresses, and drawing shapes on her skin
• Eye contact, forehead kisses, sleepovers, and wearing each other’s clothes
• Dancing in the rain and singing along to her favorite song
• Sharing letters and little doodles, and making pinky promises
• Painting on a partner’s back

Coping and Encouragement

Drawing shapes or letters on her hands has helped Maya calm herself during panic attacks. She encourages people to look forward to experiences they haven’t had yet, avoid settling for a relationship that isn’t right for them, and reach out to someone rather than suffer alone.

She closes by reminding viewers that they matter, aren’t a burden, and are irreplaceable.

Mentions

• Anime: Horimiya (the subtitle rendering “Horror Mia” appears to be an auto-caption error), Honey Lemon Soda, Romantic Killer, and Fruits Basket
• Products and food: Red Bull White Peach and mango with what may be Tajín
• Travel locations: None mentioned