The Greatest Pro-War Movie of All Time | Tom and Don

Small Soldiers: A Flawed but Entertaining Favorite

Tom and Don revisit Small Soldiers, a childhood favorite they argue accidentally became one of the greatest pro-war movies ever made. Military-grade AI chips bring toy soldiers and their alien rivals to life, but the film’s intended satire gets overwhelmed by how much fun the “Commando Elite” are.

The Commando Elite Steal the Show

The hosts say the commandos are the movie’s real stars: charismatic, hilarious, and surprisingly loyal to one another. Their missions are packed with memorable antics, from sneaking into a house to drug the parents to admiring the Barbies and asking for time off. Even when one of their own is badly damaged, Major Chip Hazard treats him like a valued soldier.

Tom and Don joke that the film keeps asking viewers to hate these guys while giving them all the best lines, coolest scenes, and most appealing personalities.

The Less Appealing Heroes

By contrast, they find the Gorgonites—meant to be the lovable, peace-loving heroes—mostly passive and irritating. Their leader, Archer, spends much of the film hiding, and his late transformation into someone willing to fight feels unearned.

The hosts also roast the human characters: the supposedly principled father comes across as weak, the “Diet John Connor” hero is hardly a natural action star, and Kirsten Dunst’s character seems oddly casual about the chaos around her. Their conclusion is that the movie makes nearly everyone it wants viewers to root for difficult to like.

A Fascinating Failure of Satire

The film’s anti-war message clashes with its gleeful celebration of toy soldiers, their camaraderie, and their increasingly outrageous missions. The irony is even sharper because the movie’s toy-merchandising ambitions helped turn a story criticizing militarized toys into a vehicle for selling them.

Tom and Don also discuss how the studio changed a darker planned ending into one where the Gorgonites sail off into the sunset. That leaves them wondering what happens when potentially dangerous military AI toys are simply set loose.

What Still Works

Despite the story and themes not quite working, both hosts still love the movie. They praise its creepy, playful set pieces, surprisingly durable effects, late-’90s atmosphere, and eclectic soundtrack.

They imagine the story might have worked better if the Gorgonites had a meaningful struggle and made a real sacrifice, making their pacifism an earned choice rather than an excuse for endless hiding.

Verdict

The film’s premise about autonomous AI toys feels uncomfortably relevant, though Tom and Don joke that the real-world version would be much less entertaining. Their verdict is split between a middling score for the plot and themes and roughly 8.5–9/10 for sheer fun.

In short, Small Soldiers is a flawed movie that somehow makes its supposed villains so cool that you’re happy to root for them.

Personalities appearing: Tom and Don.