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Substitute Teacher - Key & Peele
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Substitute teacher Mr. Garvey strides into class with a stern warning: after 20 years teaching in the inner city, he won’t tolerate anyone messing with him. Then he takes attendance—and turns familiar names into a battle.
He calls Jacqueline “Jay Quellin,” Blake “Balakay,” and Denise “Dee-Nice,” treating each student’s attempt to correct him as open defiance. The biggest blowup comes when he calls Aaron “Ay-ay-ron.” Aaron answers to his actual name, and Garvey sends him to the principal, whose name he also mangles as “Oh-Shag-Hennessy.” Garvey caps the tirade with the baffling insult “insubordinate and churlish,” before finally getting a straightforward “present” from Timothy.
The joke builds on Garvey’s complete confidence: he’s convinced the students are saying their own names wrong, and every correction only makes him more furious.
Characters
- Mr. Garvey
- Jacqueline
- Blake
- Denise
- Aaron
- Timothy
Principal O’Shaughnessy is mentioned but does not appear.
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