Casting Calamities - Volume One

Casting Misfires: First Installment

The Critical Drinker launches a series about movie casting choices he considers misfires, arguing that the wrong actor can undermine an entire production. In the first installment, he critiques five high-profile choices:

1. Phoebe Waller-Bridge in Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny He argues that Helena Shaw is written as an adventurer who can outdo Indy, but says Waller-Bridge lacks the physicality and charisma for the role. He mocks the character’s awkwardness and suggests that the hoped-for spin-off disappeared along with the film’s box-office prospects.

2. Mark Wahlberg in Uncharted Wahlberg was originally intended to play Nathan Drake, but after a long production delay, Tom Holland took the role and Wahlberg was moved to Sully. The Drinker calls the result a compromise: Wahlberg was too young for the mentor role and too old for Drake. He jokes that the film can’t decide whether Wahlberg is a capable action hero or an old man struggling to read.

3. Bella Ramsey in The Last of Us He criticizes both Ramsey’s resemblance to the game’s Ellie and the performance, contrasting the show’s version with the game character’s more vulnerable and likable portrayal. He says the casting became more conspicuous in season two, when Ramsey had to carry more of the series herself.

4. George Clooney in Batman & Robin Clooney’s charm and looks might have suited Bruce Wayne, the Drinker says, but not Batman. He describes Clooney as uncomfortable in the suit and poorly matched to the film’s increasingly farcical tone, ending with a deliberately crude joke about how awkward it is to watch him.

5. Gal Gadot in Snow White Although he says he likes Gadot personally, he argues that her wooden line delivery, strained campiness, and singing expose her limited range as the Wicked Queen. His roast includes the image of her performance being wooden enough to furnish a conference room.

He concludes by calling these the inaugural “class” of casting meltdowns and promises more entries in the series.

Personalities Discussed

Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Mark Wahlberg, Bella Ramsey, George Clooney, Gal Gadot, Harrison Ford, Tom Holland, Pedro Pascal, Rachel Zegler, and Kathleen Kennedy.