How to Make Parenting Less Lonely | Stacey McLachlan | TED

Summary

Writer and speaker Stacey McLachlan argues that parenthood can become socially isolating when parents lose access to adult friendships and social spaces. This isolation affects more than parents: close relationships help people share care and information and keep communities connected.

After having her daughter, Coco, McLachlan wanted to stay involved in her adult social life. Bringing a toddler to ordinary bars and gatherings was often stressful, so she helped create “Witching Hour”—family-friendly events at cocktail lounges, with toys and space for children to play while adults socialize.

The relaxed, welcoming atmosphere helped parents meet people who understood their experiences, while also giving childless friends a way to join in. McLachlan says the events made her life feel bigger, not smaller.

Key strategies and ideas

• Make room for parents in existing social life. Rather than assuming parents must withdraw or stick to parent-only activities, include children where practical.
• Create multigenerational “third spaces.” These gathering places outside home and work let children and adults spend time together, fostering community and reducing isolation.
• Make social venues more family-friendly. Businesses could host a family-friendly evening once a month, with child-appropriate areas and a welcoming attitude toward families.
• Ask for what you need. Parents can contact a favorite café, bar, or other venue and ask whether it could host a gathering that includes children.
• Design cities for interaction across generations. McLachlan encourages designers and city planners to create spaces where adults and children can comfortably mix.
• Remember that inclusion benefits everyone. Friends and community members can help parents stay connected by welcoming both them and their children.

Presenters and sources

• Presenter: Stacey McLachlan
• Sources cited in the talk: An Action for Children study of 2,000 people; a UK study about loneliness among mothers under 30; and an 80-year Harvard study on relationships and well-being.