Assertiveness

Assertiveness

Jennifer Sherman presents assertiveness as a learnable communication skill that helps people express themselves clearly while respecting others. It is not the same as being aggressive: assertive communication balances self-respect with respect for other people. Practising it can strengthen relationships, confidence, and collaboration, and help people speak up when something is wrong.

Key strategies and takeaways

• Be honest and direct. Share accurate information and state what you think or need without lying, shouting, blaming, or putting others down.
• Ask for what you want. Someone may say no, but avoiding the request means you could miss out on a yes. Treat “no” as a response you can handle, not a catastrophe.
• Set boundaries and say no when appropriate. You can refuse requests without guilt—for example, declining to help someone cheat.
• Speak up respectfully. Raise concerns about disrespectful treatment or wrongdoing. If the moment is unsafe or unproductive, say you have a concern and suggest discussing it later rather than staying silent without explanation.
• Listen and make room for other views. Assertiveness includes being open-minded, asking for others’ opinions, and working toward shared outcomes—not simply insisting on your own way.
• Ask questions and request clarification. You have a right to ask for information and to say when you do not understand.
• Use clear, calm communication. Speak at a relaxed, moderate volume; avoid excessive hesitation; and make your point sincerely. If someone says you are shouting, consider lowering your voice, even if you did not intend to.
• Pay attention to nonverbal signals. Aim for comfortable eye contact, an open and relaxed posture, and gestures that support what you are saying. Be mindful that appearance and behavior also communicate.
• Manage nerves. Before a difficult conversation or interview, take a few deep breaths, straighten your posture, and try to relax.
• Notice your impact. Emotional intelligence includes recognizing your feelings and considering how your tone and behavior affect others.
• Practise gradually. Sherman recommends taking an online assertiveness assessment, identifying your current habits, and choosing small, real-life opportunities to practise speaking up.

Communication styles

The talk contrasts four communication styles:

• Passive: Withholds feelings or needs and may put others’ needs first at personal cost.
• Passive-aggressive: Appears agreeable but hides resentment, which may later emerge indirectly.
• Aggressive: Expresses needs through intimidation, shouting, blame, or disregard for others.
• Assertive: Communicates honestly and respectfully while considering both one’s own needs and those of other people.

Sherman closes with a reminder that assertiveness can be developed over time, and that speaking up can help people contribute more fully at school, work, and in their communities.

Presenter and sources mentioned

• Presenter: Jennifer Sherman
• Sources referenced: Wikipedia (definition of assertiveness); psychology and psychotherapy (assertiveness as a learnable skill); online assertiveness appraisal or assessment tools; Lao Tzu (closing quote).