Summary of "10 Tactics She Uses When She's Losing Control Over You"

Overview

This summarizes a video by therapist/coach Lise Leblanc about 10 manipulative tactics a covert narcissistic woman may use when she feels she’s losing control, how those tactics destabilize your sense of reality and self, and what recovery requires.

Warning: sudden closeness or increased sex can be a “control reset,” not intimacy.

10 manipulative tactics (and what they do)

Turns dissent into danger Labels questions or outside perspectives as “toxic” to isolate you and force loyalty.
History-based shaming Weaponizes past mistakes as permanent leverage so you remain on “probation.”
Recasts you as the narcissist/abuser Pushes you into defense and redemption mode so attention shifts away from her behavior.
Accuses you of gaslighting while gaslighting you Twists memory and meaning to make you doubt your recollections.
Triangulation / social proof Recruits friends, family, therapists, or selective stories to make you feel outnumbered and wrong.
Reframes your growth as betrayal Portrays your healthier changes as selfishness or abandonment.
Escalates emotional victimhood Acts overwhelmed or traumatized to make you feel responsible for fixing or protecting her.
Weaponizes therapy language Uses clinical-sounding terms to appear legitimate and hide manipulative behavior.
Threatens disconnection Hints at or withdraws affection to trigger abandonment fears; uses ambiguity as a tool.
Uses sudden closeness/sex as a pullback After punishment or distancing, ramps up affection/sex to recondition and regain control.

Key wellness, self-care, and recovery strategies

Rebuild your internal reality: strengthen your sense of who you are and what actually happened rather than relying on her narrative.
Clear shame from your identity: remove self-blame that keeps you trapped in guilt and “probation.”
Nervous-system repair: calm reactivity through therapy, grounding, breathwork, or somatic practices so crises no longer hijack you.
Avoid reentering the cycle: recognize control-driven reconciliation (sex, sudden affection) and resist being reconditioned.
Re-establish and keep boundaries: consistent limits reduce manipulation opportunities and signal safety for yourself.
Seek external, objective support: trusted friends, therapists, or support groups counter isolation and triangulation.
Document events: keep notes or records to protect your memory against gaslighting.
Learn the language and signs: knowing tactics (triangulation, gaslighting, weaponized therapy terms) helps you spot them faster.
Prioritize autonomy and growth: expect that personal growth may be reframed as betrayal; stay anchored in your goals.
Consider structured recovery programs: professional programs offer roadmaps, accountability, and nervous-system work.

Practical on-the-ground tips

Don’t equate sudden sexual or affectionate escalation with repaired intimacy—treat it as a possible manipulation tactic.
When accused of gaslighting, pause, document, and consult an objective person instead of immediately capitulating.
If others are recruited to judge you, reach out privately to trusted people and share context; avoid public defensive fights.
If threatened with breakup or vague withdrawal, insist on clarity (specifics, timeline) and protect your emotional boundaries.
Focus recovery on rebuilding identity and emotional regulation before making relationship decisions.