Hoe jeugdtrauma’s onrust geven en hoe je ze heelt | met Jan Bommerez & Michael Pilarczyk

Key wellness + self-care strategies mentioned

• Shift the core question

  • Move from: “What’s wrong with me?” (toxic shame)
  • To: “What happened to me?” (trauma/developmental origin)

• Understand unrest as a nervous-system issue (not just mindset)

  • Many people have an underdeveloped nervous system from roughly the first 5 years.
  • Start healing from the body (physiological state) before trying to “think your way” out.
  • If the body doesn’t believe affirmations, repeating them won’t work reliably.

• Build “belly safety” / body safety

  • Secure attachment teaches safety at a nervous level.
  • When that safety is missing, people may live with chronic hypervigilance/alertness, loneliness, and difficulty trusting.

• Use breath to regulate

  • Breathing is described as the bridge between body and mind.
  • Breathwork is recommended to calm the system and support new neural pathways.

• Choose meditation as an “observing” tool

  • Meditation can help you become an observer of inner unrest (so you’re not identical with it).
  • It’s framed as a strong first step toward peace, though trauma healing may require more than meditation alone.

• Practice grieve-allowing (especially if you can’t cry)

  • Blockage to grieving can involve:
    • suppressing anger (anger hides sadness)
    • not allowing tears
  • Guidance includes allowing you to feel anger after loss, since anger can be a “sentinel” of sadness and a sign of powerlessness.
  • Avoid mixing anger with aggression (contain it).

• Contain intense emotion (“the container”)

  • A key skill is learning to contain emotions rather than letting them overwhelm you.
  • If your nervous system is weak/overloaded, you’re more likely to freeze/suppress, which drains energy and can contribute to burnout.

• Watch for “dorsal/freezing” and energy-drain patterns

  • Long-term dorsal-state functioning can:
    • cost lots of energy
    • lead to tiredness
    • support a “social mask” (appearing okay while internally collapsing)
  • This is linked with burnout: you can’t “charge” anymore.

• Let go of internal resistance (not external people)

  • “Letting go” is described as releasing resistance within yourself to what is happening.
  • When resistance is present, peace doesn’t arise—because you’re not centered.

• Transform anger/rage (especially rage that can’t be released)

  • Rage is described as requiring physiological transformation.
  • A yoga-based approach is mentioned as a method for working with intense anger.

• Use self-coaching / inner dialogue instead of forcing belief

  • Affirmations may fail if you don’t truly believe them.
  • Strategy: shift attention via internal dialogue, e.g.:
    • “I shouldn’t go along with that.”
    • “That’s not who I am.”
  • This is framed as a conversational form of self-regulation.

• Address insomnia by understanding sleep-cycle wake-ups

  • Many wake-ups happen after the first ~90-minute cycle.
  • Causes may include emotional arousal/pressure during organ “peak times” (e.g., anger/pressure around 3–4).
  • Instead of only medication: learn to process anger and transform it.

• Rebuild resilience and new patterns through neuroplasticity

  • The environment shapes brain development; brains are capable of remodeling through practice/exercises.
  • The hopeful emphasis: new neural pathways can be built.

• Community reconnection as long-term societal self-care

  • Modern life reduces community and connection, increasing loneliness and unrest.
  • The “new era” is framed as returning to community, nature, and reconnection.

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Productivity / learning / growth tips mentioned

• Podcast + education as awareness tools

  • Podcasts are presented as a major route to consciousness/awareness: people learn what’s happening internally and can then seek the right help.

• Seek help rather than trying alone

  • If trauma/grief/emotion regulation is stuck, guidance from therapists/coaches/grief specialists is recommended—especially someone who listens without trying to “fix” you immediately.

• Read (at least one) book

  • Encouraged as a practical step toward deeper understanding and peace.

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Presenters / sources

• Jan Bommerez (presenter/guest)
• Michael Pilarczyk (presenter/host)
• David Hawkins (mentioned: “sieve/scale” reference)
• Gabor Maté (mentioned: book referenced in relation to body-belief/affirmations)
• Pieter Levine (mentioned: polyvagal/dorsal state and “functional milling cutter” idea)
• Stephen Porges (implied via “polyvagal terms” reference)
• Robert Kennedy Jr. (mentioned quote about pain vs dreams)
• Eckhart Tolle (mentioned: “mind is resistance; ego is mind”)
• Paulo Coelho (mentioned: The Alchemist)
• Berry Long (mentioned: “10% of the people” idea)
• Jos Burgers (mentioned: “one fan every day”)
• Meditation Moments app / meditationmoments.nl (mentioned as a resource)
• Janomarie.com and Jambanomare.com (mentioned as websites)