If a lawyer tried to defend Judge Holden

Summary

The video turns Judge Holden into the defendant in a chaotic “Toast Trials” courtroom. His defense attorney opens by listing notorious clients he has represented—including Pennywise, the Joker, Hannibal Lecter, and Griffith—and argues that Holden deserves a second chance, for the right amount of money.

The prosecution quickly portrays Holden as a menace. It begins with a story about him accusing a preacher of horrific crimes, prompting a mob to kill him. The defense argues that the accusation was mysterious and tries to frame the incident as “character development,” adding that the mob chose its actions freely. The presiding judge is briefly swayed, calling Holden an effective “rage baiter.”

The case takes a darker turn when the prosecution recounts Holden’s disturbing ideas about raising children and alleges that he abused and scalped an Apache child. The defense calls it edgy Discord humor and objects to the lack of physical evidence. The prosecution responds that there were eyewitnesses and jokes, “What did you want us to put it in a little Ziploc bag?” It also cites Holden’s role in attacks on innocent people and makes further disturbing allegations, leaving the courtroom eager to move on.

To conclude its case, the prosecution reads Holden’s ominous views about knowledge and war, including the claim that “war is God.” Before the trial is properly concluded, the prosecutor’s fictional bounty hunter, Larry, puts Holden into an “infinite torture loop.” Larry then charges $500 through Cash App, while the judge protests that the case is unfinished and the defense complains that he cannot get paid with his client in that condition. The trial ends in chaos rather than a formal verdict.

Personalities Appearing

• Judge Holden, the defendant
• The presiding judge
• The prosecution
• Judge Holden’s defense attorney
• Larry, the fictional bounty hunter