Don’t Just Erase Your Past—Transform It - Charlie Harary

Main ideas / concepts taught

• Teshuvah has two modes

  • Teshuvah me’yirah (fear/awe-based return)
    • People do teshuvah because they recognize the King is coming (Hashem judging and determining the year).
    • It’s described as “awe of the majesty” rather than childish terror.
    • This teshuvah returns you to baseline (moving from wrong back toward 0).
    • Hashem responds: if you come with respect and think through your deeds, Hashem wipes the heart clean.
  • Teshuvah me’ahavah (love-based return)
    • Goes beyond correcting the past.
    • Transforms sins into merits (“turns the things we did wrong into zechuyos”).
    • The goal is that at Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, your “bad” deeds can count as “profit,” and you emerge as a wholly different person.

• Elul as a season of “relationships” and love

  • The speaker frames Elul as a time to prepare for standing before Hashem with relationship thinking, not merely mechanical avoidance of punishment.
  • He emphasizes that many people lack the emotional “jump” into the proper mindset (a “drop” short), producing nervousness rather than simchah.
  • Sources mentioned: ideas from Rebbe Nachman and a Mishnah concept that Yom Kippur is not emotionally top-tier for most people, even though it should be.

• A “few inches” concept: small mindset/intentions matter

  • Using a basketball jump-shot analogy, the speaker argues that missing by a tiny amount comes from nervousness/technique being off by a few inches.
  • Similarly, people are “trying” in Elul but are still “a drop” away—because they mix yirah and love (ahavah) in conflict, and they don’t fully enter the month with the right emotional orientation.

• Love begins with “giving,” but humans start as “takers”

  • He argues that at the beginning of life, love is experienced as being given unconditionally, while the child’s nature is self-centered taking.
  • Over time, taking becomes more sophisticated, and humans often live by the default logic of “I take / I need.”
  • He presents parents as the main test of overcoming this “taker” conditioning:
    • When parents are no longer needed, the challenge is to still show kavod and respect.
    • Progress in anavah (humility) can be measured by how an adult treats parents.

• Geulah (redemption) is tied to revealing Hashem’s presence (Shechinah)

  • Redemption is described pragmatically as increasing awareness of Hashem’s presence (“turning up” from hiddenness to revelation).
  • The speaker repeatedly emphasizes:
    • Stop waiting for miracles that don’t require effort.
    • Geulah is brought day by day through revealing inner spiritual connection.
  • Core mechanism proposed:
    • You have a neshamah (a piece of Hashem).
    • Revealing it more in the world increases “shefa/connection,” described as moving from lower degrees of concealment toward higher revelation.

• Humility and middos are the “channel” to bring Shechinah and redemption

  • Decreasing ga’avah (ego/pride) and increasing anavah (humility) brings more Shechinah.
  • He also links this to how people credit others:
    • Example: a story-like idea from Chazal/Gemara where giving credit (humbling yourself) increases divine presence/reality (“more shreina into the world”).
  • He stresses: you can’t replace middos with Torah knowledge alone—middos are essential for Shechinah.

• Teshuvah me’ahavah: what to do with sins

  • Repentance shouldn’t only be “erase the past.”
  • Instead:
    • Use the knowledge gained from your mistakes to lift others and increase connection to Hashem.
    • Mistakes/failures should be treated as information:
      • The aitz hara convinces you you’re a sinner.
      • The aitz hatov reframes it as new knowledge.
  • He gives an extended framework of turning wrongdoing into:
    • support for someone struggling with parents,
    • organizing learning groups to overcome difficulty with mitzvot,
    • encouraging others (including “Chazak” Jews) to avoid harmful actions,
    • helping future family generations (grandkids) stand up for parents.
  • Result: using your past to bring someone closer to Hashem makes the “sin” function like a merit.

• Main “avodah” (spiritual work) in Elul

  • Lean in emotionally and practically:
    • Not pulling back on teshuvah.
    • Overcoming “galus mentality” of selfishness.
    • Treating your own mistakes as tools to help others return.
  • Emotional image: the proper Elul leads to confidence (“swish”) at Rosh Hashanah/Yom Kippur rather than fear—because fear is rooted in selfishness, while love redirects focus to Hashem and others.

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Methodology / actionable instructions (as presented)

A) Enter Elul with the right type of teshuvah (me’yirah → and toward me’ahavah)

• Start with teshuvah me’yirah

  • Recognize that within weeks you stand before Hashem/King.
  • Come with respect and awe, not denial.
  • Expect that Hashem wipes hearts clean when you sincerely come that way.

• Then aim for teshuvah me’ahavah

  • Treat teshuvah as more than “baseline repair.”
  • Seek to transform past wrongdoing into merits.
  • Use the next ~20 days to “juice your returns” (speaker’s phrasing).

B) “Fix the few inches”: shift from nervous/self-focused effort to love-based effort

• Identify where you are “trying” but not fully leaning in:

  • you want the year to be good, but you’re emotionally pulling back,
  • you have cognitive dissonance (important but not joyful),
  • you feel conflicted about yirah vs. ahavah.

• Replace it with the Elul mindset:

  • Elul is relationships (love-driven approach to connection).
  • The work is to move closer by “a few inches,” not by abandoning everything.

C) Use the central teshuvah-me’ahavah strategy: convert your sins into outreach/help

• When you regret mistakes, do not stop at shame.

• Convert “error knowledge” into actions that help others, for example:

  • Call or support someone struggling with honoring parents.
  • If you struggle with a mitzvah (example: ma’aser), build a support system or learning group.
  • Make encouragement or content that helps others avoid harmful behaviors.
  • If parents are deceased: help your children/grandchildren learn the correct honor/respect for parents (teach halachic practice and attitude).
  • If others are struggling emotionally: accompany them so they’re not alone.

• Principle: if your past pushes you to bring someone else closer to Hashem, your mistake becomes spiritually repurposed.

D) Use anavah as the measurable “meter” of progress

• Work to lower ego and increase humility.
• In particular, as an adult:
  • evaluate how you treat parents when you “don’t need them anymore.”
  • show continuing kavod and respect.
• Expect: increasing anavah increases Shechinah and contributes to Geulah.

E) Stop waiting passively; bring Geulah through revealing neshamah

• Do not rely on the idea “Hashem will fix it automatically.”
• Act to reveal your neshama in small, real ways daily:
  • each incremental increase in humility/connection is portrayed as “bringing redemption.”

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Speakers / sources featured (as mentioned)

• Charlie Harary (implied as the main speaker; video title)
• Rabbi Levi / “the rabbi Rebbe Levi” (source of the Torah-style teaching referenced)
• Rebbe Nachman
• Chazal / Gemara (referenced multiple times; one cited idea about reward/“bringing geulah”)
• Mishnah (referenced regarding Yom Kippur’s rank as a Yom Tov)
• Lubavitcher / Lubavitch (referenced for an explanation of Geulah)
• Medrash (mentioned regarding Eisav’s tears and the Beis Hamikdash context)
• “Wall Street Journal” (used for claims about parent alienation)
• Tisha B’Av (referenced as prior teaching context; not a speaker)
• Talmudic example: “the lips of the person is moving in the kever” / “chias hameisim” (referenced as a teaching theme)
• Hashem (God; theological source, not a person)