UNHINGED things I did when I was anxiously attached…*story time*

Summary

Margarita Nazarenko uses stories from her past relationships to explain how anxious attachment can lead someone to make another person’s attention and approval feel central to their self-worth. She contrasts this with her current focus on her own life and well-being.

Key Strategies and Takeaways

• Notice behavior without immediately chasing an explanation. If a partner acts distant or makes you feel unwanted, take note rather than repeatedly asking, “Why don’t you like me?” Look for a pattern before deciding how to respond.
• Set boundaries around your own choices. Nazarenko defines a boundary as stating what treatment you will accept and what you will do—not controlling another person’s behavior. For example, she says she would tell a partner that repeated public rejection made her uncomfortable, then step back from the relationship.
• Don’t make excuses for troubling behavior. In hindsight, she says she explained away her ex’s actions and assumed benign reasons for his lack of communication. She advises taking what happens seriously rather than inventing explanations to soothe anxiety.
• Avoid chasing or performing “cool girl” behavior. She recounts going to a bar to find her ex, then pretending she had arrived independently. She says this left her preoccupied and recommends focusing less on managing someone else’s perception.
• Build self-worth around your own standards. Her suggested shift is to ask what you think, want, and value, and to work on impressing yourself rather than seeking someone else’s approval.
• Make your own well-being a priority. She describes directing attention toward everyday choices—what to eat, do, and read—and toward her health and lifestyle. Her story about seeing a worm-like object in restaurant food is a personal anecdote, not medical guidance.
• Consider therapy when you feel overwhelmed. In a sponsored message, she says therapy helped her process life changes and difficult feelings without judgment. She also describes online therapy as a convenient option.
• Treat relationship advice as personal opinion. She discourages moving in with a partner before feeling confident about the relationship’s commitment, arguing that cohabitation can make it easier to stay in an unsuitable relationship. This is her viewpoint, not a universal rule.

Presenters and Sources

• Presenter: Margarita Nazarenko
• Sources and services mentioned: Her Unbothered masterclass; her book The New Rules; BetterHelp (paid partner); Instagram audience questions; Kevin Samuels (mentioned in passing).