моя жизнь окончена , но я никогда и не жил

Overview

The video is a long, emotional monologue in which the speaker describes a life they portray as defined by abuse, exploitation, and illness, culminating in suicidal ideation. The speaker frames the upload as a final statement and repeatedly asks that no one watch it. They also state that they do not want money, pity, or support—only to “sum it up” logically and end.

Main Claims and Narrative

No-contact / Withdrawal from Public Life

The speaker claims they stopped making earlier channel videos and decided to delete content. They suggest that both the content and their life situation are “invisible” to others.

Economic Desperation

They describe periods of external financial support (including money sent by a “tourist”/benefactor), followed by a claim that their funds ran out. They describe having an almost empty fridge (carrots, eggs, cabbage) and lacking basic necessities.

Father as the Central Abuser

A dominant theme is prolonged abuse by their father beginning in infancy/toddler years. The speaker alleges:

• Physical assault and sadism
  • Including an attempted eye-gouging with a belt and metal buckle.
  • Repeated beatings over many years.
• Justification and cruelty
  • Cruelty framed as “discipline” or “discipline” excuses.
• Control and isolation
  • The speaker claims they were kept in fear.
  • They were prevented from leaving freely.
  • They were forced to work constantly.
• Ongoing hostility even after separation attempts
  • They claim the father re-entered their life or maintained control through threats and restrictions.

Work Exploitation in Moscow / Severe Mistreatment

They describe moving to Moscow to work after claiming the father left, but say the father continued demanding labor. Allegations include:

• Extremely long working hours, sometimes described as 15–17 hours per day, with no meaningful lunch or holidays.
• Injuries and medical neglect
  • Frostbite from extreme cold.
  • Later working with a leg injury without being sent to a hospital.
• Deprivation and prolonged neglect
  • The speaker describes worsening conditions during continued work, including foul odors and “rotting” tissue associated with frostbite.

Health Decline and Psychological Collapse

The speaker claims chronic physical illness and severe psychological deterioration, including:

• Chronic physical illness
  • Infections and lung issues.
  • Repeated hospitalizations.
  • Sleep deprivation described as weeks/months without real sleep.
  • Severe weight changes.
• Episodes consistent with endocrine/metabolic problems (as the speaker describes them)
  • They mention sugar levels dropping and near-coma states.
  • The account is presented as personal experience rather than a medical diagnosis.
• Psychological state
  • Years of “very severe depression.”
  • Constant thoughts of suicide.
  • Inability to cope.

Family Betrayal and Financial Disappearance

They repeatedly accuse relatives and/or the father of receiving money (including inheritance or large sums) without delivering support to them or their mother. They claim:

• Relatives use them only when they need something.
• Money supposedly meant for the household or medical needs is spent or “wasted,” leaving them with nothing.

Mother’s Suffering and Death (As Portrayed)

The speaker describes:

• The mother being tormented for years by the father.
• Her death in severe pain.
• Alleged failures or obstruction by the medical system, portraying her illness as tragic and mishandled.

Grandmother Episode

After a suicidal crisis, they claim they moved in with their grandmother and cared for her through severe illness. Later they allege:

• The grandmother accused them of stealing.
• They were locked out or abandoned.
• After this, their own health worsened.

Final Decision: Suicide

Near the end, the speaker concludes they have “no option left,” repeatedly stating they do not want help and that they lack even the strength to carry out death—while still framing it as inevitable. They discuss, in general terms, methods and timing as part of a “logical explanation,” describing an intention to end their life rather than continue suffering. They also state they will stop existing around a specific date (“on the 30th”) and may have no internet afterward.

Overall “Analysis” / Conclusion Style

The speaker’s “argument” is not presented as a persuasive public-policy case. Instead, it reads as a personal causal chain:

abuse → forced labor and medical neglect → chronic physical/mental deterioration → inability to obtain support → total isolation and hopelessness → decision to die

The speaker also insists their motive is not to solicit donations, but to record what they portray as the final outcome of that chain.

Presenters / Contributors

• No other presenters are mentioned.
• The content is presented as a single speaker/author (the person delivering the monologue).