Revealing my RISKY Ivy League COMMON APP ESSAY That WORKED

Summary

Azir Nawaz reads and critiques the Common App essay that he says helped him gain admission to several top-20 universities and combined-degree medical programs. Looking back four years later, he considers the essay imperfect but believes it offers useful lessons about storytelling, authenticity, and revision.

The Essay’s Story

• The essay opens with biryani as a dish that brings Indians and Pakistanis together. Nawaz focuses on its aroma-enhancing ingredients—unusual elements that may stand out but help shape the dish’s character.
• He uses those ingredients as a metaphor for himself: someone who can stand out in a new environment while also influencing it.
• After moving from Tampa, Florida, to Jericho, New York, during high school, he initially tried to fit in. He imitated his classmates’ interests and held back his enthusiasm, especially when he felt his participation made a poor impression.
• Seeing his younger sister worry about fitting in prompted him to reconsider. He drew strength from his family’s pride in their Muslim identity, their responses to Islamophobia, and his responsibility as an older brother.
• He then describes contributing to his new school as himself, including becoming the first Jericho student to be a candidate for New York State president of the Future Business Leaders of America.
• The essay concludes with his desire to bring his distinctive perspective and enthusiasm to future settings and inspire others.

Nawaz’s Framework for a Strong Personal Statement

Nawaz says an effective essay should answer three questions in depth:

1. Who is this person?
2. Can this person contribute something of value to the campus, and what might that contribution be?
3. Is this person a good writer?

What He Thinks Worked Well

• An attention-grabbing opening: The first sentence introduces a cultural idea and raises curiosity about how biryani connects different communities.
• A story that draws readers in: For a narrative opening, he recommends placing readers in the action rather than starting with a generic invitation such as “Imagine…”
• Ongoing growth: The essay does not claim that he has completely resolved every challenge. He presents his learning as ongoing, which he says can convey maturity and an open mindset.
• Authenticity and personal detail: References to family, Muslim identity, cultural traditions, and being an older brother help reveal what matters to him.
• A natural voice: He favors clear, relatively simple language over complicated vocabulary or elaborate sentences. His goal was for every word to contribute meaning.
• Reflection rather than a plea for sympathy: Although the essay is about moving, he focuses on how the experience shaped him rather than asking readers to pity him.

What He Thinks Could Be Improved

• Moving is a common essay topic. A familiar subject is not automatically a bad choice, but applicants should make their treatment distinctive through specific experiences, perspective, and reflection.
• The essay was too long and tried to do too much. Nawaz says it was about 650 words and that he could have shortened the introduction. He advises cutting material that does not earn its place.
• The central metaphor takes too long to pay off. He introduces the comparison between himself and biryani’s aromatic ingredients early but explains its significance much later. Readers should not have to wait too long to understand why an image matters.
• Metaphors are risky. Nawaz chose one because it connected to his cultural background and seemed unusual, but he advises against forced comparisons—such as comparing oneself to a stethoscope simply because one hopes to become a cardiologist.
• The final line overextends the metaphor. In retrospect, he would remove the concluding image of every day as a fresh plate of biryani. He feels the metaphor had already been used enough and that the line sounded forced.

Speakers and Sources Featured

• Azir Nawaz — The presenter, narrator, and author of the Common App essay being read and analyzed.
• Susan Collins — Cited by Nawaz as an example of impactful, accessible writing. He mentions her Hunger Games series as an influence.