#215 נישואים פתוחים והתפקוד המיני

Key wellness & self-care strategies (and what the speaker recommends)

• Do “recalculation” before acting (pause, breathe, re-check motivations)

  • The host emphasizes taking a moment to regulate and review what’s really driving the desire to open the marriage.
  • She recommends listening/considering the same episode more than once if needed.

• Understand that open marriage often stems from underlying pain—not “celebration”

  • Open marriage is framed as frequently arising from unmet needs, dissatisfaction, misunderstandings, fear, or sexual/relational injury.
  • The key self-care step is identifying the root cause rather than treating open marriage as a quick fix.

• Communicate openly and early (especially if one partner may be affected)

  • She repeatedly stresses: if opening the relationship comes up, tell your partner and discuss it before anything happens.
  • She notes this matters across couple types (mixed and same-sex couples too).

• Check fears (performance anxiety, fear of intimacy, fear of abandonment)

  • A core theme is that fear can create an “endless loop” (performance anxiety → sexual dysfunction → more fear → worse function).
  • She encourages examining:
    • what you fear will happen if you stay in the relationship
    • what you fear will happen if you open it
    • what thoughts are running in your head

• Pursue therapy/work on the relationship first (when possible)

  • Instead of jumping directly into opening the marriage, she recommends trying:
    • couples therapy / sex therapy
    • emotional or religious-based work (if relevant to the couple)
  • The point: sometimes the relationship improves once the underlying issue is addressed.

• Prepare emotionally and mentally for “physiology changes”

  • The host warns that sexual and even physical symptoms can be triggered by the stress/emotion of non-monogamy (for both partners).
  • Examples mentioned include:
    • erection difficulties in men
    • vaginal pain/sores in women
    • sexually transmitted infections possibly reappearing or emerging
    • psychological triggers that affect desire and arousal

• Treat sexual dysfunction as solvable—often mental

  • She argues that erectile dysfunction can be influenced by subconscious processing, shame, fear, or performance loops.
  • She notes that treatment/repair may be possible, and that confidence and sexual communication can be rebuilt.

• Avoid using open marriage as a “coping mechanism” for avoidance

  • Examples in the talk show how people open relationships to escape shame, betrayal fears, boredom, or ongoing unresolved pain—and later experience worsening injury.
  • Her wellness advice is to ensure the choice comes from a healthy place, not appeasement or fear.

• Set up “healthy ways” if you do open the marriage

  • She suggests options like:
    • keeping intimacy limited or staged (e.g., smaller/private swapping sessions)
    • clarifying boundaries and agreements
  • She emphasizes that couples can remain together successfully, but it must be done responsibly and thoughtfully.

Presenter / source(s)

• Shlomit Volpin (the podcast host and sexual-function expert)