Summary of "Dating women made me understand men"

Summary

Comedian/creator Anna Akana describes how dating women after coming out as bisexual gave her new empathy for common heterosexual men’s dating complaints. Through three short anecdotes she shows how expectations, communication, and social norms shape disappointment on dates.

Key anecdotes

Exhibit A — the unpaid check

A woman who asked Anna out never offered to pay or even said thank you when the check arrived. Anna felt slighted despite both people having spent time and money getting ready. That moment made her see why men often expect to pay.

Exhibit B — joking about instant commitment

Anna made friends with a date’s cat; the woman joked about immediately buying a wedding dress. Anna realized that jokes suggesting instant commitment, which she’d made to men before, can provoke genuine panic in the other person.

Exhibit C — promised intimacy that doesn’t happen

A date invited Anna in with the line:

“wanna come in and make out?”

They ended up talking until 3 a.m. with little physical affection. Anna felt misled and understood male frustration when promised physical intimacy isn’t delivered.

Practical takeaways / advice

Be explicit about intentions; avoid misleading invitations or jokes that imply commitment or physical outcomes.
Communicate expectations up front (for example, whether the date is meant to lead to kissing/intimacy or is intended mainly for conversation).
Offer to split the bill or discuss payment early if you don’t want the other person to assume one partner will pay.
Say thank you and show basic appreciation to avoid leaving the other person feeling used.
Consider how casual remarks can be interpreted and how they affect the other person’s anxiety or expectations.