The Risks of Marriage For Women—with Family Lawyer Jackie Harounian

Summary

Family lawyer Jackie Harounian argues that marriage and parenthood can expose women to significant financial and personal risks when they give up education, work, financial knowledge, or control over money. Her central message is not that women should avoid marriage, but that they should make informed choices, understand their rights, and preserve the ability to support themselves.

Main ideas

• Financial dependence creates vulnerability. A spouse may become unable to support herself if a marriage ends, or if the other spouse dies, becomes disabled, loses work, or experiences mental-health problems. Harounian says women should not assume that a partner will always be able to provide.
• Legal and financial arrangements matter. In her experience practicing in New York, legal changes and the growing use of prenuptial agreements can affect the position of a financially dependent spouse. She says women should understand agreements and financial arrangements rather than avoid difficult money conversations.
• Parenthood can interrupt careers and increase dependence. Health problems, a child’s special needs, twins, childcare costs, or a partner discouraging a woman from working can make returning to work difficult. Harounian also warns that having a child can increase the risk of relationship breakdown and may create a lasting connection to a co-parent.
• Custody outcomes may not match expectations. She notes that custody arrangements, including joint custody in New York, can be difficult for mothers who assume they will automatically receive custody. She says custody cannot be settled in a marriage agreement before a child is born.
• Marriage and parenthood are choices, not obligations. Harounian supports women taking time to decide whether they want to marry or become parents. She says economic independence makes it easier to stay in a relationship by choice—or leave one that is unsafe.
• Relationships should be evaluated realistically. She urges women to pay attention to a partner’s reliability, work habits, values, and behavior before marriage or having children. Romantic optimism should not replace practical judgment.
• Divorce can be civil, but it is financially and emotionally demanding. Harounian says many couples resolve matters outside court and can successfully co-parent, particularly when both parties are realistic and set aside hostility. She cautions against expecting a judge or lawyer to solve every financial problem.

Practical steps she recommends

• Stay engaged with household finances

  • Review tax returns before signing them.
  • Understand household income, spending, debt, savings, and investments.
  • Participate in budgeting and major financial decisions.
  • Do not rely solely on a spouse’s account of the family’s financial position.

• Build financial independence

  • Maintain or develop education, work skills, and earning capacity.
  • Consider ways to continue career development while children are young, including online education or remote and hybrid work.
  • Build an individual credit history and have access to credit in your own name.
  • Save and invest—even modest amounts—rather than spending all household income.
  • Consider getting help from a financial adviser or learning about saving and investing.

• Discuss protections before and during marriage

  • Be prepared to discuss a prenuptial agreement and understand its implications.
  • Talk about property ownership, savings, insurance, and what happens if one partner cannot work.
  • Consider life insurance and a realistic plan for returning to work.
  • Establish shared expectations about raising a family and managing money.

• Choose a co-parent carefully

  • Assess whether a prospective partner is dependable and able to contribute to family life.
  • Do not assume employment, childcare, or other practical matters will “work themselves out.”
  • Delay having children until the decision is considered and both partners are ready.

• Recognize controlling behavior and seek support

  • Treat attempts to control work, spending, family contact, or access to money as warning signs.
  • Tell a trusted friend, social worker, or victim-rights advocate if you feel manipulated or unsafe.
  • Take practical steps toward safety and independence, such as seeking employment or obtaining health insurance.

Harounian’s background and perspective

Harounian describes herself as a New York family-law attorney and mediator with about 30 years of experience. She is also married, has four adult children, and says she became a mother at 21 while continuing her education and career. She attributes her interest in family law partly to growing up in a traditional Iranian immigrant community, studying feminist legal theory, and wanting to help women obtain outcomes consistent with their legal rights.

She also discusses the growing diversity of family arrangements she sees in practice, including women who are primary breadwinners, stay-at-home fathers, same-sex couples, and families formed through surrogacy or frozen embryos. She says social media can help make divorce and women’s experiences less stigmatized.

Speakers and sources featured

• Julia Cha — Host and interviewer.
• Jackie Harounian — Family lawyer, mediator, and guest.
• References mentioned by the speakers: Newsweek; TikTok; the Wizard Liz situation; Halle Berry; Ruth Bader Ginsburg; and Harounian’s law firm and LinkedIn page.

The legal and financial observations summarized here reflect Harounian’s comments in the interview, particularly about her practice in New York; they are not individualized legal advice.