Brandon's Cult Movie Reviews: RED SCORPION

Overview

Brandon opens with a nostalgic—and very sarcastic—look at the 1980s, when action movies could blame nearly every evil on communism. He introduces Red Scorpion as a particularly odd Cold War relic, notes its unusual production backstory, and asks the obvious question: How bad can a Dolph Lundgren action movie be?

Plot

The film follows Nikolai Rachenko, a Soviet special-forces operative sent to an African country to get close to rebel leader Ango Sundata. Nikolai’s plan involves getting himself thrown into a cell with rebel organizer Kunda Kintash, but Brandon questions why he has to cause so much trouble to accomplish that.

The escape brings along an American journalist. His loud, profane patriotism inspires one of the review’s running jokes: repeated, increasingly enthusiastic “America, [bleep] yeah!” riffs.

Nikolai and the others flee through the desert as Brandon pokes fun at the movie’s questionable tactics, explosive sound effects, and Nikolai’s apparent habit of destroying vast quantities of Soviet equipment while trying to complete his mission. After the rebels take him in, Nikolai survives scorpion stings, drinks scorpion venom as part of his initiation, and gets the tattoo that explains the title.

When Nikolai learns that his superiors have killed Sundata, he turns against them and joins the rebels in a seemingly improvised assault on the military base. The movie sets up a showdown between Nikolai and a hostile Soviet officer, but then drops the character, leaving no promised confrontation. Instead, the climax pits Nikolai against the base’s Cuban officer and Soviet general.

Review

Brandon’s verdict is that Red Scorpion is a fairly standard, dated 1980s action movie, but likely entertaining for fans of the genre or Lundgren. The review’s highlights are its teasing of the plot logic, over-the-top Cold War patriotism, and wonderfully awkward action-movie moments.

Personalities Featured

• Brandon Tenold — Reviewer and narrator
• Dolph Lundgren — Nikolai Rachenko
• M. Emmet Walsh — The American journalist
• Brion James — The Soviet officer
• The film’s rebel leader and military officers — Supporting characters discussed in the review