Body language expert: 7 cues that make you instantly more likable | Full Interview

Summary

Vanessa Van Edwards explains that social presence depends on how others perceive your warmth and competence—not just on what you intend. Her advice is to use body language, voice, and words deliberately while staying authentic, and to interpret other people’s signals cautiously.

Make a strong first impression

• Signal both warmth (trust, openness, likability) and competence (capability, reliability).
• Try a relaxed “happy hello”: say hello on an exhale rather than holding your breath, which can make your voice sound tense.
• Keep your hands visible and use an open-palm gesture when greeting or addressing people.
• Use culturally appropriate eye contact. Van Edwards suggests about 60–70% in Western settings, while noting that norms vary.
• Angle your torso, head, and feet toward the person speaking to show attention.
• Keep your torso open rather than crossing your arms or placing objects in front of yourself.
• Choose a greeting involving touch only if it feels comfortable and is appropriate to the culture and situation.
• Don’t aim for a perfect performance. Acknowledging nervousness or awkwardness can convey authenticity and warmth.
• Practise one cue at a time, starting in low-pressure situations—such as phone calls, video calls, or conversations with friends. Stop using a cue if it continues to feel inauthentic.

Read people without jumping to conclusions

Use Van Edwards’s three C’s when interpreting behavior:

• Context: Consider what else might explain a person’s behavior, such as fatigue or events before the interaction.
• Culture: Account for cultural, workplace, and situational norms.
• Clusters: Look for several cues together rather than treating one gesture as proof of an emotion or intention.

Observe patterns to decide whether to clarify, build rapport, or step back—not to “catch” someone out. Practise by watching a conversation on mute and noting facial expressions and gestures, then watching again with sound to see how tone and words change your interpretation.

Notice possible discomfort signals, such as face-covering or sudden leaning away, but check in rather than assuming what they mean. If a negative cue affects you, try naming the emotion or cue—for example, “anger” or “fear”—instead of letting it take over your response.

Treat observation as a skill that improves with practice, and use it to guide your next step rather than to make snap judgments.

Listen so people feel heard

• Listen to understand, not just to prepare your reply. One mental exercise is to imagine you’ll introduce the person later; this encourages you to remember what matters to them.
• Show attention through a natural lean, a head tilt, or an occasional slow nod. Avoid excessive nodding, which can seem insincere or impatient.
• Watch for self-soothing habits—such as rubbing your neck, fidgeting, or touching your hair—that may distract from listening. If you fidget, try a subtle replacement, such as pressing your thumb and forefinger together or holding a pen.
• Notice your resting facial expression on video. If it can look negative when you’re simply listening, use verbal warmth to make your intent clearer.
• When appropriate, remember topics that energized the other person and follow up on them later.
• Add to what someone is sharing when you have something genuinely helpful or encouraging to contribute.
• If the other person isn’t asking questions or engaging with your contributions, pause and listen more to check whether you’re in sync.

Communicate with confidence and engagement

• Prepare and know your material before trying to project confidence; don’t use body-language techniques to disguise a lack of knowledge.
• Vary your volume to suit the moment, and use gestures to emphasize important ideas rather than gesturing constantly.
• Adopt an open, grounded posture: relaxed shoulders, space between your arms and torso, and a comfortable use of gestures.
• Slow down for important points. Replace filler words with a brief breathing pause rather than rushing or holding your breath.
• Add vocal variety and authentic emotion so familiar material doesn’t sound robotic or monotone.
• If nerves get in the way, imagine how a charismatic role model might deliver the message.
• Choose clothing, accessories, and background objects intentionally; they can communicate warmth or expertise.
• Don’t try every technique at once. Pick one cue to practise, then add another when it feels natural.

Presenter and source: Vanessa Van Edwards (presenter); Big Think (channel/source).

Researchers and studies mentioned: Susan Fiske; Matthew Lieberman (UCLA); Susan Goldin-Meadow; University of British Columbia researchers studying athletes; Albert Mehrabian, whose communication research Van Edwards cautions against overgeneralizing.