How to Speak Up — Even When You Don’t Want To | Sarah Crawford-Bohl | TED

Key wellness + self-care + productivity strategies for speaking up (even when you don’t want to)

Reframe silence

• Recognize that silence can be peaceful—but when it becomes a “barrier,” it can mute advocacy and truth.
• Practice moving from avoidance to action, especially in uncomfortable moments.

Expect and work through the fight/flight/freeze response

• Before difficult conversations, acknowledge that you may feel vulnerable, embarrassed, angry, or scared.
• Use practice to “get past” the immediate instinct to shut down and instead get to the table.

Treat difficult conversations like training (incremental improvement)

• Similar to cardio/weightlifting: initially uncomfortable, but with repetition you build skill and confidence.
• The goal is not perfection—“make a mess sometimes”—but growth through iteration.

Use a “moral compass” to guide courageous conversations

Pause and ground yourself (e.g., visualize holding a compass), then draw on four principles:

North = North Star (do the good/right thing)

• Ask: What is the right action here?
• Be accountable (e.g., “own your work” and take feedback rather than hiding).

South = Support (create safety through care)

• Seek support for yourself so you feel seen and cared for.
• Offer support to others—use kindness and an intention to help people grow.

East = Empathy (set the emotional tone)

• Aim to make the other person feel safe and understood.
• Focus on understanding feelings before pushing your own perspective.

West = Wonder (be curious; listen first)

• Ask questions and stay curious about what’s really going on.
• Listen to understand before trying to be understood.

Choose dialogue over defensiveness

• When called out (publicly or in front of leaders), avoid the default of going silent.
• Pivot to constructive conversation: propose a private sit-down to understand concerns and correct the approach.

Turn feedback into a shared learning process

• In the example, she:
  • Acknowledged where she was “too positive”
  • Clarified where the work wasn’t adequately represented
  • Used curiosity to identify missed issues (e.g., times mentioned challenges vs. positives)
• Outcome: the conversation helped both sides leave with something valuable.

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Presenters / sources

• Presenter: Sarah Crawford-Bohl
• Referenced source: VitalSmarts (research cited on people avoiding challenging conversations)
• Referenced roles/perspective: healthcare leadership / nursing (speaker’s background)
• Related personal source: Sarah Crawford-Bohl’s mother (intensive care nurse; moral-compass role model)