You like toxic: the real reason you go back

Key wellness & self-change strategies from the video

• Reframe “vice” as a learned habit you chose (even if unconsciously)

  • Vices (not just addictions—also things like overeating, procrastination, laziness) persist largely because you like the experience they provide.
  • People already demonstrated skill at building habits: they worked through discomfort/pain to create the vice.

• Counteract vices by deliberately doing the “opposite” behavior

  • Undoing a vice is described as similar to changing a troublesome emotion:

    “Starve it by intentionally executing the opposite action.”

  • The required “opposite” may be more complex than a simple behavioral flip, but it exists.

• Use virtue-vs-vice pairings as a practical roadmap

  • The video references the classic “seven deadly sins” and proposes “seven lively virtues” as behavioral opposites.
  • Examples given:
    • Envy → Kindness
    • Wrath → Patience
    • Pride → Humility
  • Core method: identify your vice, then repeatedly practice its complementary virtue to weaken the habit.

• For relationship “toxicity,” stop treating it like pure bad luck

  • If you repeatedly end up with cheaters, narcissists, addicts, or immature partners, the video argues it’s not purely accidental.
  • The claim: you may be unconsciously drawn to a familiar “flavor of toxic,” and until you own that pattern, the cycle can keep repeating.

• Understand the emotional engine: boredom avoidance

  • A central idea is that a deeply intolerable emotion for many people is boredom (or even feeling nothing/indifferent).
  • Toxic behaviors offer a temporary escape from that state—even if the escape is costly—because they create drama, feeling, or stimulation.

• Reduce the need for “toxic escape” by increasing emotional awareness

  • The video cites a therapeutic adage:

    “To feel better, you have to feel better.”

  • Strategy explained:

    • Increase your sensitivity to your emotions (even subtle, muted ones)
    • This helps you detect emotional shifts that “dispel” boredom/indifference
    • If boredom doesn’t show up as strongly, you’re less likely to choose behaviors that exist to escape it

Productivity/behavioral takeaways (actionable framing)

• Treat habit change as practice of an opposite behavior, not just willpower.
• Expect discomfort during habit-building, because both vices and virtues require working through early pain/disgust.
• For recurring cycles (including relationship cycles), focus on what you’re avoiding or escaping emotionally, not only what others are doing.

Presenters or sources

• Dr. Orion Taraban (Psych Hacks channel/presenter)