Are Anal and Oral Sex Okay Within Marriage? | Advice from a Christian Sex Therapist

Oral and Anal Sex in a Christian Marriage

A Christian sex therapist says Scripture does not directly address oral or anal sex. Rather than assume there is a simple biblical answer, couples can consider the question thoughtfully, taking into account their faith, mutual willingness, and sense of safety.

Considerations for Couples

• Use a shared-consent standard. The therapist describes a “three-circle” test: a practice should align with the couple’s understanding of God’s will, and both partners should feel willing, respected, and safe. If either partner is uncomfortable, it should not be part of their sex life.
• Reflect on personal beliefs. Be honest, pray, and consider what feels consistent with your relationship with God and with each other.
• Discuss comfort and security. Talk openly about boundaries, past experiences, and what each partner wants.
• Consider pornography’s influence. If a desire may be connected to pornography, explore where it comes from and whether it reflects healthy beliefs about sex and intimacy.
• Be mindful of physical safety. The therapist raises concern that anal penetration may cause harm and suggests considering the body’s design when making decisions.
• Allow for creativity within mutual comfort. Marriage can be a safe space for exploration and enjoyment, provided both partners feel secure and respected.

Source

Alison Pitts, Christian sex therapist, as identified in the video metadata. She also refers to a colleague’s “three-circle” analogy.