becoming bilingual was very painful

Learning Spanish

Shay grew up speaking only English, despite being surrounded by family and friends who spoke other languages. Feeling culturally out of place, Shay hoped that becoming bilingual might help fill that gap.

Apps such as Duolingo and Pimsleur, Spanish classes, journaling, and visualizing fluency helped Shay prepare, but did not lead to comfortable conversation.

A month-long trip to Puerto Rico—including Carolina, Ponce, Santurce, and San Juan—did not make Shay fluent. Social anxiety led Shay to study alone for much of the trip, and English was widely spoken in the places visited.

Progress began after Shay formed a relationship with a Spanish speaker and spent time with his Spanish-speaking friends. At first, group conversations felt lonely and exhausting. But listening, taking chances to speak, and making repeated mistakes gradually improved Shay’s Spanish. Shay estimates learning a lot over six months, while noting that deeper conversations and speaking quickly remain challenging.

Lessons and Reflections

• Prepare, but put the language to use. Learning useful phrases helped, but real progress came from speaking with people.
• Find regular opportunities to speak. Conversation, listening, and spending time in uncomfortable situations can build skill faster than studying alone.
• Expect awkwardness and mistakes. People may laugh at language errors. Learning to laugh along can keep embarrassment from becoming a reason to quit.
• Keep going through doubt. Shay sees self-doubt as a major obstacle and believes that past successes can help build confidence when learning another language.
• Keep practicing. Speaking a language requires continued effort; bilingualism is not a permanent achievement that can simply be set aside.
• Don’t expect perfect fluency. Fluency varies, and even native speakers have gaps in their vocabulary and expertise.
• Remember what makes learning worthwhile. Understanding song lyrics, making friends, and gaining new ways to express feelings and interpret the world made the effort rewarding for Shay. Spanish has also influenced how Shay thinks about emotions.

Shay mentions a song by Danny Lacks and plans to learn Russian next.