How To Get A Girlfriend You Don't Lowkey Hate

Summary

Sam Harborne argues that lasting relationships are built on compatibility, self-knowledge, and shared enjoyment—not just attraction or a checklist of traits. Drawing on his first serious relationship and breakup, he says that believing a relationship was destined to be perfect left him unprepared for its difficulties. He presents his advice as personal experience rather than a universal formula.

Key relationship and self-development strategies

• Reflect on past relationships: Notice your own behavior as well as your partner’s, and look for patterns instead of relying on labels such as “lazy” or “ungrateful.”
• Learn what you genuinely value: Dating different people—or simply meeting and getting to know them—can clarify what traits and dynamics suit you. Harborne cautions that continually chasing novelty has diminishing returns.
• Choose for long-term compatibility: Strong feelings alone, he argues, are not enough to make a relationship sustainable. Consider whether your goals, lifestyles, and future plans fit before making major commitments.
• Set expectations early: Decide what you want and what you are not willing to accept, then communicate those standards near the start of a relationship. Harborne suggests that early interactions can reveal patterns that become harder to address later.
• Keep your friendships and independent life: Maintain time with friends and your own interests while in a relationship, rather than withdrawing from them. He believes this supports personal well-being and helps prevent resentment.
• Ask whether you actually like your partner: Beyond attraction or practical convenience, consider whether you enjoy spending time together, laugh together, and respect one another. Spending time together sober can help you assess this.
• Pay attention to intimacy and communication: Harborne emphasizes that satisfying sex involves emotional and psychological connection, not just technique. If intimacy changes, he recommends noticing the shift and addressing relationship dynamics rather than ignoring it.
• Build a life with purpose and depth: Develop skills, interests, friendships, and experiences of your own. Harborne says that being genuinely engaged in life makes for more meaningful connection than trying to perform an “interesting” personality.
• Include each other in your lives: He favors partners who take an interest in one another’s work and ambitions. His specific suggestions about traditional values and a partner’s role are personal preferences, not general rules.
• Recover from heartbreak without becoming cynical: Harborne describes being devastated after his breakup but urges viewers not to let painful experiences close them off from future relationships.

The video also promotes Harborne’s Academy of Excellence, which he says focuses on skills, work, and location and financial freedom.

Presenter and sources

• Presenter: Sam Harborne
• Other source referenced: Call of Duty Zombies, used for the “mystery box” analogy. No external expert sources are cited.