#47 – Liina Raud: Visiitabielu, üksikema elu Ameerikas ja mis see kõik päriselt maksab?

Summary

Photographer and gallery owner Liina Raud reflects on raising two children in the United States, her long-distance marriage, single parenthood, and her return to Estonia after roughly a decade abroad.

Growing up and relationships

Liina describes a supportive childhood in Türi, where her parents gave her freedom but also expected her to take responsibility. Regular music-school lessons helped instill discipline. She says her parents rarely argued in front of the children, which may have left her less prepared to handle conflict as an adult.

She met Mihkel Raud when she was 23, and their relationship and family developed quickly.

Moving to the United States

Liina wanted her children to grow up around people from different backgrounds. The family first moved to San Diego, but she found it monotonous and struggled to make connections. After a trip to Chicago, they moved there instead and grew to love the city.

Long-distance marriage and a turning point

Work kept Mihkel away for extended periods, leaving Liina feeling isolated. One night, she had a severe allergic reaction and had to seek emergency care while their young children were asleep at home. An Estonian neighbor helped, but the episode made Liina confront how little support she had nearby.

She and Mihkel eventually divorced in the United States, where the family lived. Liina says the process took about four months.

Single parenthood

Liina describes much of that period as “survival mode,” when she put her own emotional needs aside and focused on the children. She returned to university and relied on friends for practical help, such as school pickups.

She also recalls crying and feeling homesick, while acknowledging that her choices brought both opportunities and strain.

Returning to Estonia

During a summer visit, Liina realized she could run her work from Estonia and wanted to be closer to her family. She decided to stay and had just three days to pack up a decade of life in Chicago.

The move was also a major transition for the children. Her daughter adapted relatively quickly, while her son missed his Chicago friends and found the new language and school system challenging.

Her view of the American Dream

Liina says the United States can offer opportunity, but newcomers often have to start from scratch. She describes corporate benefits and high earnings as potentially becoming a “golden cage”: people may grow accustomed to expensive comforts, work long hours, and hesitate to use vacation or sick leave.

She also found education and healthcare costly and difficult to navigate. She gives examples of school fees and the high cost of emergency care, though the figures in the subtitles are unclear.

What she appreciates in Estonia

Liina values Tallinn’s public transport and the easy access to forests and nature, including opportunities to pick berries and mushrooms. She also speaks positively about everyday kindness and noticing small things that make a day better.

She says she is doing well in Estonia now, while remaining fond of Chicago.

Advice and takeaways

• Don’t lose sight of your own needs while caring for children. Liina says she often struggled to answer the question, “What do you need?”
• Preserve some financial independence and think ahead about how you would manage if a relationship or living arrangement changed.
• Don’t assume that love alone will resolve practical issues. Couples should discuss responsibilities and contingency plans while things are going well.
• A parent—not a child—is responsible for building and maintaining a relationship with that child. Liina emphasizes that connection grows through time and effort.
• If you are a parent living apart from your children, ask the other caregiver about the child’s real concerns; young children may not explain them directly.
• Liina says she wishes she had taken persistent anxiety seriously sooner rather than treating it as normal. She encourages making changes instead of simply enduring distress.
• She also shares her mother’s advice: have only as many children as you could manage on your own.

Health and lifestyle notes

Liina says yoga became an important companion after attending a retreat in Costa Rica. She especially misses hot yoga in Estonia.

The hosts encourage parents not to neglect their own health and promote exercise and body analysis through MyFitness, vitamin C supplements from Ecosh, and specialty freeze-dried instant coffee. These are sponsor promotions rather than routines Liina specifically recommends.

Notable locations, products, and speakers

• Locations: Türi, Estonia; San Diego and Chicago, United States; Tallinn; Costa Rica.
• People: Liina Raud; her former husband, Mihkel Raud; the Papside Podcast hosts.
• Products and services mentioned: MyFitness, Ecosh vitamins (including vitamin C), specialty instant coffee, hot yoga, Waldorf schooling, and other U.S. private-school options.