Video Summary - How to be Dominant and How to Train Your Sub

Key wellness strategies, self-care, and productivity themes (from the subtitles)

Acknowledge sadness rather than push it away, especially during the holidays.
Prioritize physical basics to cope:
- Eat well
- Sleep well
- Exercise
Seek emotional support and connection:
- Spend time with your chosen family, especially when biological family is distant, estranged, or deceased.
Create hope / forward momentum:
- Use planning for the future (e.g., thinking about what you want 2026 to look like) as a grounding “something to look forward to.”

Normalize imperfection: even long-time professionals still “mess up.”
Adopt a growth mindset:
- It’s okay to feel unsure, flop, or struggle—the goal is learning and getting back up.
Commit to yourself first as the foundation for relationships and personal work.

Start with clarity, not performance:
- Ask yourself: “What kind of dominant do you want to be?”
Reduce fear by reframing dominance:
- Dominance isn’t one rigid stereotype; there are many forms, and you don’t have to become a completely different person.
Use personalization and communication:
- Learn what your submissive wants/likes through conversation.
- Figure out preferences around punishment/discipline and what is genuinely “fun” versus what would be upsetting.
Experiment in a structured way:
- Try approaches aligned with the other person’s profile and preferences, adjusting day-to-day or scene to scene.
Define the emotional goals of the dynamic:
- Identify the feelings you want during a scene (e.g., powerful/cruel/magnanimous) and the desired role-feelings for the sub (e.g., helpless/pathetic/brave).

Dr. Frankie Bashan (clinical psychologist, board-certified sex therapist; CEO/founder of a US-based LGBTQ+ matchmaking firm)