Cómo comunicarnos con asertividad. Estrella Montolío, lingüista y profesora.

Key wellness / self-care / communication strategies (assertiveness)

• Practice assertiveness (it’s learned through repetition)

  • Aim to express disagreement or uncomfortable opinions without escalating conflict.
  • Use assertiveness as a tool for conflict resolution and harmonious conversation.

• Use “I” statements instead of “you” when criticizing

  • Shift the focus from blaming the other person to owning your feelings.
  • Example pattern:
    • Instead of criticizing with “you…”
    • Try: “I feel…” / “Sometimes I…” (e.g., “I feel silly because I can never choose.”)

• Choose language carefully (“how” you say it matters as much as “what”)

  • Word choice and delivery change how the message lands.
  • People often respond to the tone/how, not just the content.

• Transform complaints into requests

  • Complaints can make the other person feel blamed/criticized → defensiveness.
  • Requests put responsibility on you and clarify what you want.
  • Example pattern:
    • Complaint: “You never…”
    • Request: “When you… it makes me happy—could you…”

• Be specific (reduce generic instructions)

  • Generic feedback can unintentionally shift responsibility onto the other person.
  • Specificity helps the other person understand exactly what to change.
  • Example (writing feedback):
    • Less assertive: “This is a disaster.”
    • More assertive/constructive:
      • Specify length and number of issues (e.g., “18 spelling mistakes…”)
      • Identify severity (e.g., “three serious”)
      • Clarify what must be revised (e.g., misused words, reconstruct sentences/anacoluthons)

• When evaluating others (students/children), acknowledge what is valuable—concretely

  • Give feedback that shows you truly noticed and considered their work.
  • Concrete recommendations help people learn and feel understood, improving interaction quality.

Productivity / effectiveness principle highlighted

• Concrete, well-phrased feedback = more effective dialogue
  • Specific recommendations and well-structured messages support more effective, harmonious communication for everyone.

Presenters / Sources

• Estrella Montolío (linguist and professor)