Was ich von einer Ex-Stripperin über Dating gelernt habe

Summary

Sophie Passmann reflects on what she learned about dating by watching GTA role-play streams. She also discusses sexism in entertainment and reviews Rachel Cusk’s Life of M.

Dating lessons from the streams

• Treat a date as an opportunity to decide whether you like the other person, rather than as a rare event where you have to impress them. Passmann says she used to feel watched and judged, and would overperform to make dates feel worthwhile.
• Stay relaxed and curious. In the streams, the character Vivi Vegas is confident and unbothered. She evaluates the man instead of acting grateful that he agreed to meet her.
• Accept gifts or attention without assuming you owe something in return. Passmann connects her discomfort with receiving gifts to fears of indebtedness and rejection.
• Make sure you’re having a good time, too. A date shouldn’t be solely about entertaining the other person or proving that they’re enjoying themselves.
• Make grand gestures because you genuinely enjoy making them—not to prove your love or secure someone’s approval. If the gesture is fun for you, its reception matters less.
• Take creepy or misogynistic behavior seriously and set firm boundaries. The streamer ended the role-play relationship and cut off the man behind the character after learning about his past conduct. Passmann’s broader point is that you don’t owe someone continued access to you, and shouldn’t dismiss warning signs or mistreatment of their former partners.

Other topics

• Passmann criticizes a sexist joke by comedian Shane Gillis on Saturday Night Live, arguing that such jokes reinforce men’s power by putting women down. She contrasts his low-effort appearance and material with Rosalía’s highly prepared, technically demanding performance. Women in media, she argues, are still expected to be polished and exceptional, while men are often allowed to be casual.
• She reviews Rachel Cusk’s Life of M, which appears to fictionalize Natalie Portman while adopting the feel of a report. Passmann criticizes it as intrusive and evasive, arguing that its treatment of Portman feels like a breach of privacy. She says the book might have been more compelling if it openly acknowledged the author’s fascination with fame.
• Passmann also mentions the announcement of five new Girls episodes and praises Lena Dunham’s memoir, Famesick. She briefly says she had meant to discuss eating more beans but doesn’t develop the topic.

Notable people, places, and works

• Speakers and public figures: Sophie Passmann, Vanilla Mae (also rendered inconsistently in the subtitles), Lena Dunham, Rachel Cusk, Natalie Portman, Shane Gillis, Dan Levy, Rosalía, Ed Helms
• Shows, games, and books: Girls, Saturday Night Live, GTA V role-play, NoPixel 5, Life of M (translated by Eva Bonet), Famesick, Black Swan
• Locations: New York, Barcelona, Las Vegas, Los Angeles