What Holding a Grudge Actually Does to Your Body

Summary

The video explains that holding onto resentment can affect the body, even when the upsetting event is only being remembered. In small studies, recalling anger temporarily impaired artery function, reduced how much blood some participants’ hearts pumped, and raised blood pressure. These findings are preliminary and do not prove that a single angry memory causes lasting harm, but they suggest that repeatedly revisiting anger may carry a physical cost.

The video also argues that common responses to a grudge may not resolve it: revenge can leave people dwelling on the incident, venting by hitting a punching bag may intensify anger, and distraction may provide only temporary relief. Forgiveness is presented as a choice to release revenge and resentment for your own sake—not as approval of what happened, forgetting it, or reconnecting with the person. Early research suggests forgiveness-focused exercises may reduce angry reactions and support better sleep and heart responses.

Strategies and Self-Care Techniques

• Try a brief reframing exercise: For two minutes, revisit the painful memory while imagining the other person as a whole human being, not only as the person who hurt you. Recognize that their behavior needs to change, wish them well if you can, and still hold them responsible.
• Use reflective writing: Spend 20 minutes writing about the hurtful experience and then about something you gained from it. In the study described, this approach increased forgiveness more than writing only about the hurt or an unrelated topic.
• Treat forgiveness as a personal boundary, not reconciliation: You can let go of revenge without excusing the harm, forgetting it, or speaking to the person again.
• Be cautious about revenge and anger venting: The studies discussed found that punishing someone or hitting a punching bag while focusing on the person who angered you could leave people feeling worse or acting more aggressively.
• Use distraction with realistic expectations: It may lower anger temporarily, but the feelings can return when the memory resurfaces.
• Ask what resentment is doing for you now: Resentment can feel protective, like armor, but it may be worth considering whether it still serves that purpose.

Presenters and Sources Mentioned

• Presenter: Makai Elías Calles
• Experts interviewed: Robert Enright, psychologist at the University of Wisconsin; Ryan Blackstock, clinical psychologist
• Research sources or institutions cited: Columbia University; UC San Diego; Hope College; Iowa State University; a 1992 study involving participants with heart disease; an earlier 1959 anger-and-nail-hammering experiment
• Historical concept mentioned: Freud’s idea that anger builds up like steam and needs to be released