how to stop being jealous & comparing yourself to others and become obsessed with yourself instead.

Summary

Tam Kaur argues that jealousy, envy, and FOMO are common feelings, often fueled by low self-esteem, past criticism, and a scarcity mindset. Rather than judging yourself for these feelings, she suggests treating them as clues about what you want and redirecting them into self-development.

Key strategies

• Turn envy into inspiration: When someone’s appearance, success, or lifestyle triggers envy, ask what you’re drawn to and use it to clarify your own goals. Treat other people as inspiration rather than competition.
• Adopt an abundance mindset: Believe that other people’s success doesn’t take away your opportunities. Focus on what you can do today to move toward your goals instead of monitoring other people’s progress.
• Compare yourself with your past self: Measure progress against who you were yesterday, not against someone else’s “chapter 20” when you’re at “chapter one.”
• Use visualization and affirmations: Picture yourself working toward and achieving what you want. Kaur recommends affirming that your goals are possible and that other people’s success doesn’t diminish your own.
• Question the source of jealousy: Ask what specifically is triggering you, what you fear or want, and whether your reaction points to an insecurity or an unhealthy situation that needs to change.
• Build self-worth through self-care: Make time for movement, reflection, meditation, rest, and habits that help you feel well. Avoid letting hours of unconscious scrolling replace care for yourself.
• Practice gratitude: Write down three things you’re grateful for each day. Remember that people’s visible advantages don’t reveal their private challenges.
• Become your own “it girl”: Appreciate your personality, choices, body, and growth—including how you learn from mistakes. Kaur emphasizes accepting yourself as you are rather than endlessly chasing external approval or a “better” version.
• Create a confident alter ego: Imagine and name a more confident version of yourself, then use that persona as a cue to act with greater confidence when comparison arises.
• Make social media more supportive: Unfollow, mute, or block accounts that trigger comparison or promote unrealistic standards. Follow people who inspire, educate, entertain, or otherwise leave you feeling positive.
• Remember that every life stage has stress: A relationship, career, or other milestone won’t eliminate problems; each stage brings different challenges. Avoid assuming someone else’s life is effortless based on what you can see.

Suggested exercises and homework

• Unfollow or mute accounts that make you feel inadequate, and follow creators who have a positive effect on you.
• Journal five things you appreciate about your life.
• Write about something you once wished for that you have now; use it as evidence that you’re making progress.
• List your goals in your phone, or create a physical or digital vision board.
• Choose one goal and spend an hour this week taking a concrete step toward it.
• When comparison returns, pause and turn the feeling into an actionable question: “What can I do to move toward what I want?”

Affirmations shared

• “I release jealousy and welcome positive energy.”
• “I am safe, secure and confident enough in myself that nobody else could ever feel like a threat to me.”
• “I release the need to validate my worth through the comparison or competition of others.”
• “I only compare myself to who I was yesterday.”
• “My confidence grows stronger and stronger every single day.”
• “Other people’s success does not symbolize my lack.”
• “I am so thankful for everything I have in my life.”
• “I am so lucky to live my current lifestyle.”
• “Everything I want is already on its way to me.”
• “I am abundant in all areas of my life.”
• “I am not diminished by the success and happiness of others.”

Presenters and sources

• Presenter: Tam Kaur
• Books recommended: The Defining Decade; How to Fail by Elizabeth Day
• Other references: Beyoncé’s “Sasha Fierce” alter ego; Skillshare’s Creative Confidence and Silencing Your Inner Critic class