Dating advice for men is pretty bad (a bi woman’s pov)

Overview

A bisexual woman argues that dating advice aimed at men is often misleading or incomplete. She says the advice can ignore how attraction, initiation, and “invisible work” shape early dating—especially in heterosexual contexts where women are accustomed to being the pursued party.

Key Points

• Women often face “harder than expected” shifts when switching from men to women, particularly on apps or in social spaces. She notes that bisexual women she’s observed report similar difficulties men have described: unanswered messages, uncertainty about whether friendliness is flirtation, and fear of seeming like a stalker.

• A major disconnect: many women (especially feminine ones) expect the man to make the first move. Standard advice often tells men to “just be yourself” or “go on dates and get to know her,” but she argues this may not create the quick “spark” many women seek early on.

• Chemistry vs. learned dating skills: She argues that what looks like “instant chemistry” is often the result of dating experience and performance—including initiative, escalation, reading body language, planning dates, and keeping conversation going. This may not necessarily indicate deep chemistry, but it can make it seem that way.

• Invisible effort matters: She emphasizes that the pursuer/initiator (often men) may be doing effort the other person doesn’t see. Without that effort, the pursued person may feel like “there’s no spark,” even if attraction could exist.

• Dating app dynamics reward immediate emotional impact: When people have easy exits and alternatives (e.g., no mutual ties or investment), women may continue engaging with the person who produces the strongest early emotions fastest.

• Attraction-driven choices can be unhealthy if followed blindly: She acknowledges that “always chase the spark” isn’t necessarily the healthiest relationship strategy, though it can sometimes lead to good outcomes.

• Partner-preference advice is distorted by “thinking about exes.” When asked what someone wants, people may describe the emotional or behavioral qualities they lacked in prior partners (communication, kindness, emotional intelligence) rather than the specific attractive traits that originally drew them in.

• Age-based advice can misfire: She notes that older women giving advice to younger men may reflect preferences shaped by their own age group (e.g., what a 40-year-old wants may not match what a 22-year-old woman wants).

• She credits the historical demonization of women’s “superficial attraction.” She argues women are criticized for admitting attraction matters—even though attraction strongly influences interest. Advice that downplays physical preferences can therefore lead to poor guidance.

Overall Conclusion

Dating advice is “pretty bad for men” because it commonly overlooks initiation expectations, the unseen work involved in early attraction, and the role attraction plays—while relying on generalized or perspective-limited guidance.

Presenters or Contributors

• Unspecified (single speaker): the bisexual woman narrator (appears to be the creator/author of the video).