The secret to being more likeable… | Body Language Expert Vanessa Van Edwards

Summary

Body-language expert Vanessa Van Edwards describes charisma as signaling both warmth—such as friendliness and trustworthiness—and competence, including capability and reliability.

People can adjust these signals depending on how they want to be perceived: show more warmth to encourage collaboration or connection, and more competence when they want to be taken seriously. Too little of either can make interactions harder. Excessive warmth cues, such as constant nodding or laughing, may also undermine perceived competence.

Van Edwards shares five cues she associates with competence:

1. Use a relaxed “steeple” hand gesture. Bring your fingertips together in a loose triangle, keeping your hands visible. Avoid drumming your fingers or making the gesture look tense.
2. Relax your shoulders. Let them sit down and back, with your chin level. Van Edwards says this posture can help you appear and feel more confident.
3. Make purposeful eye contact. Rather than maintaining eye contact constantly, look at someone at the end of a sentence or when making an important point. She recommends roughly 60–70% eye contact in conversation.
4. Use a lower-lid flex in moderation. Slightly engage your lower eyelids to convey focus while listening. If you notice this cue from someone else, consider checking whether they’re confused or skeptical—for example, by asking if they have questions.
5. Finish statements with a downward vocal inflection. An upward inflection can make a statement sound like a question and may signal uncertainty. Van Edwards advises using a firm downward inflection when stating a price, making a request, or presenting a number.

Presenters and Sources

• Vanessa Van Edwards — Body-language expert and guest
• Interviewer — Not named in the subtitles
• Dr. Susan Fiske — Researcher whose work on warmth and competence is cited by Van Edwards