The Man Who Never Complained [A Story About Fear]

Working with Fear

Om Swami responds to a viewer who experiences persistent fear and worries that her children may have learned it from her. He argues that fear isn’t always irrational: sometimes it signals a real risk. Trying to eliminate all fear can be less helpful than understanding it and responding thoughtfully.

A humorous story about a relentlessly optimistic man illustrates how perspective can change the way people react to difficult situations.

Strategies for Working with Fear

• Name the fear: Ask what you’re actually afraid of—failure, loss, disrepute, or something else—and write it down. Putting it into words may help calm your nerves.
• Assess the likelihood: Consider how probable it is that the feared outcome will happen. Swami says many fears never come true, while acknowledging that some risks are worth preparing for.
• Plan for realistic risks: Don’t let a possible danger automatically stop you. For example, rather than stop driving because of worries about accidents or theft, take sensible precautions such as getting insurance.
• Consider the worst case: Ask what the worst possible outcome would be, then decide whether you’re willing to accept that cost. Swami says this question has guided many of his practical decisions.
• Use fear as information, not a constant focus: Some fear can help you make good decisions. But if it keeps you from doing what you ought to do, revisit these steps rather than dwelling on it.
• Distinguish caution from recklessness: Having no fear isn’t necessarily fearlessness; it may be recklessness. The aim is not to erase all fear, but to respond appropriately.
• Don’t assume children inherit your emotions: Children often learn coping mechanisms from parents, Swami says, but they do not necessarily adopt the same emotions.

Presenter/source: Om Swami.