friendship in your 20s

Overview

Chloe (“Clovery”) discusses how making and keeping friends in your 20s can feel harder than in school. She points to changing schedules, increased anxiety, and less “forced” daily social time. She also shares what helped her rebuild connection and maintain healthier relationships.

Key Themes & Wellness / Self-Care Strategies

Acknowledge the transition challenge (school → adulthood)

• In school, friendships are often easier because you see people daily and social interaction is built in.
• In adulthood, scheduling is busier, and you have to put more effort into planning hangouts—so maintaining or growing friendships can feel more difficult.

Use a “comfort zone is normal” mindset, then take small steps anyway

• She describes feeling anxious and relying on what feels safe.
• Her approach is gradually increasing social exposure instead of waiting to feel fully comfortable.

Challenge anxious avoidance (texts, plans, flaking)

• She struggles with responding to texts because she fears where conversations might lead.
• Her fix is a reframing:
  • Say “Okay” when you can, without overthinking the downstream possibilities.
  • If they follow through, handle it then—don’t catastrophize.
• She emphasizes that going to hangouts and talking to people is beneficial, even if it doesn’t feel easy at first.

Repair connections through accountability

She found progress reconnecting with old friends by:

• Taking accountability
• Apologizing
• Showing up consistently (responding, avoiding last-minute cancellations)

She also notes that not getting a response back can be painful, but it may also be part of what “doesn’t work out for a reason.”

Redefine “finding the right connection”

• She compares newer friendships to the bond she had with her best friends and realizes it’s hard—and unrealistic—to recreate the exact same dynamic.
• She learns that her “void” can’t be filled by one person or thing.
• Connection is built through multiple relationships and supports.

Build support that steadies you (spiritual / self-regulation support)

Chloe personally finds comfort and grounding in Christian faith, specifically through:

• Praying
• Reaching out to God

She frames this as one example of a support system that can reduce loneliness and help during friendship transitions.

Be intentional about your social environment (boundaries)

• She advises surrounding yourself with people who support you and aren’t drama or attention seekers.
• Gossip and negative talk behind your back still happen in adulthood—so watch for red flags.

Practical Social “Methods” (How She Suggests Doing It)

• Put yourself out there (get exposure, even if it’s scary)

  • Starting her YouTube channel was a major step out of her comfort zone.
  • She credits YouTube connections (other creators, advice seekers, and friends/subscribers) with helping her meet supportive people.

• Use structured environments to meet people

  • Workplace friendships are similar to school in that you’re repeatedly around the same people.
  • If you’re quiet, she notes it may take time—she started making friends after she talked more.

• Act on outreach instead of overthinking

  • Reaching out to old friends felt scary, but she learned:
    • Overthinking makes it worse
    • Real meetups are often less awkward than feared
    • Even if it doesn’t work out, it can still be “best for you.”

Pros / Cons of Friendships in Your 20s

Pros

• More ability to choose your circle once you learn what’s healthy for you.
• Opportunities to build connections through work, community, and online spaces.
• Deeper maturity in repairing relationships (accountability, consistency).

Cons

• Less everyday contact and harder scheduling = fewer automatic hangouts.
• Anxiety and avoidance can make texting and planning feel overwhelming.
• It can be disappointing not to find the same “instant deep bond” you had earlier on.
• Some people bring drama or negativity even in adulthood.

Presenters / Sources

• Presenter: Chloe (also referred to as “Clovery”)