Why I Stopped Believing in God

Summary

Manish Raul describes a changing, uncertain relationship with Christianity rather than a settled rejection of God. He says he once felt disconnected from religion, despite growing up around both Sikh and Hindu traditions.

During a lonely period, a Christian woman he was speaking with listened as he shared feelings of low self-worth and told him that God loved him. The conversation moved him deeply, and he began exploring Christianity.

For a time, praying, attending church, and reading the Bible helped him feel less lonely and more self-assured. Later, he gradually stopped those practices and became distressed again. He also realized that he had tied much of his identity and self-esteem to his YouTube channel. As his views declined and he ran out of personal stories to share, he felt aimless and worried that his work no longer mattered.

After telling Richie, a Christian bodybuilder he admires, that he felt lost, Manish tried a spiritual fast and prayed for guidance. He read John 15:4–6, which compares Jesus to a vine and believers to branches, and interpreted it as a reminder to stay connected to his faith rather than trying to find his direction entirely on his own. He says he felt a quiet sense of peace afterward, though he still has doubts. Richie reassured him that uncertainty and ups and downs in faith are normal.

Wellness and self-care practices discussed

• Be honest about difficult emotions: Manish describes sharing his loneliness, self-doubt, and confusion with someone who listened.
• Seek supportive connection: Conversations with the Christian woman and Richie helped him feel heard and less alone.
• Use spiritual practices if they are meaningful to you: He describes praying, attending church, reading the Bible, and trying a spiritual fast as parts of his personal journey—not as universal prescriptions.
• Reflect on sources of self-worth: He recognizes that relying on romantic attention and channel performance for validation left him vulnerable to rejection and declining views.
• Avoid defining yourself solely by work or metrics: Manish links his distress to treating his YouTube channel and analytics as measures of his value.
• Allow for uncertainty: He emphasizes that doubts, confusion, and changes in faith are normal, and that people can experience both difficult and hopeful periods.

Presenters and sources

• Manish Raul (presenter)
• Richie (his friend and source of advice)
• The Christian woman he spoke with
• ChatGPT (which suggested a Bible passage)
• The Bible, John 15:4–6