The 3 Signs You’re Being Gaslit (And What to Do About It)

Key wellness / self-care / productivity takeaways (gaslighting awareness)

What gaslighting is (core idea)

• A communication pattern where someone tries to distort your reality, leading you to doubt your truth, memory, or state of mind.
• It can be conscious or unconscious, but it’s typically ongoing rather than a one-time disagreement.
• It differs from lying in that it often aims to make only one person’s perspective feel valid.

3 signs you may be experiencing gaslighting

1) Conversations leave you confused and second-guessing yourself

• You keep thinking: “Am I the one? Am I crazy? Am I the problem?”
• You feel you need proof and start writing things down right after conversations because you don’t trust your memory anymore.
• You feel guilty for raising concerns, as if pointing out an issue makes you the “bad” person.

2) External “shifts” that flip the issue onto you

The focus shifts from the impact of their behavior to:

• Their intention
  • “I didn’t mean it, so it shouldn’t upset you.”
• Your tone or delivery
  • “If you had said it differently, this wouldn’t have happened.”

The speaker may redirect accountability to make you doubt what you noticed. Trust your gut when something feels off.

3) Accountability gets transformed into sensitivity (or reaction-blame)

• They take accountability, but then reframe it as:
  • “You’re too sensitive,” “You can’t take a joke,” or “There’s something wrong with you.”
• You notice illogical reasoning where cause-and-effect is reversed:
  • “I wouldn’t have done that if you hadn’t reacted that way.”
• Gaslighters often target insecure/self-reflective overthinkers, where your internal doubt gets exploited.

What to do if you’re being gaslit (immediate communication strategy)

Use concise “grounding” phrases instead of over-explaining.

• Say: “I remember things differently.” (keep repeating it)
• Or: “That wasn’t my experience.” (simple and final)

Avoid:

• Justifying
• Over-explaining
• Trying to “chase” every detail (it creates openings for further twisting/redirecting)

Recognizing if you might be gaslighting others (unconscious pattern check)

Gaslighting tends to show up when, by the end of the conversation:

• You walk away as the “victor” with certainty.
• The other person ends up doubting themselves and/or apologizing.
• You feel completely justified and they feel offkilter or confused.
• The conversation becomes “only my experience matters,” and you label their view as irrational/illogical/unreasonable/crazy.

How to self-correct (de-escalation + repair)

• Practice grace and awareness: gaslighting isn’t proof you’re “terrible,” but it’s important to stop it from becoming a pattern.
• Try opening the conversation with repair:
  • “I might have closed you down the other day.”
  • “Can I hear what you had to say again?”
  • “Help me understand what yours was.”

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Presenters / sources

• Presenter: Jefferson Fisher
• Podcast sponsor(s): Cozy Earth; Wayfair; Momentous