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A Changing Relationship with Reading

The speaker reflects on why he has largely stopped reading after once finishing around 48 books a year. He read six books last year and four this year, and hopes to find his way back to reading without making it an obligation.

Why Reading Has Changed

• Exhaustion: Service in the Armed Forces involves demanding work, travel, danger, and frequent interactions, leaving him with little energy. At night, he sometimes reads a page without absorbing it. His therapist reminded him that attention and mental energy are limited, and focused reading may be unrealistic after an exhausting day.
• Changed interests: Detective novels that once captivated him now affect him less. The intensity of real-life experiences has made fictional suspense less compelling.
• Disillusionment with self-development advice: He once found these books useful, but familiar tips—such as waking early, taking cold showers, or tackling the hardest task first—don’t fit the unpredictable demands of military life. Flexibility matters more in his circumstances.
• Letting himself stop books he dislikes: He no longer feels obliged to finish every book. If a book doesn’t suit him, he can put it aside rather than spend scarce reading time on it.
• Giving up reading as an achievement: Book blogging and monthly reading reports once made him feel he had to read every day and finish books for content. He now wants reading to be enjoyable, not a task or a measure of success.

Finding His Way Back

He is beginning to find books that fit his current interests, especially works about self-understanding and the meaning of life. He wants to read when he has the time and energy—perhaps with tea, outdoors, in a café, or on a train—and to choose pleasure over quotas.

References

The speaker walks through a pine forest and mentions reading on trains, in cafés, and outdoors. He refers to his therapist, his service in the Armed Forces, and support through Monobase and YouTube sponsorship.

Books and authors mentioned include:

• The Steppenwolf by Hermann Hesse
• Under the Shadow of Saturn by James Hollis
• Puzzle by Franck Thilliez
• Simon Beckett
• Stephen King
• Dan Brown